Just 'cause they don't change your words...

...doesn't mean they still can't screw up your scene. Here’s an example: It’s from VOLUNTEERS written by me and David Isaacs.

The setting is Thailand 1962. Lawrence (Tom Hanks) and Beth (Rita Wilson) are in the Peace Corps. They’ve helped build a big wooden bridge over the river for this tiny village. But now they learn that communists and a war lord will be using it to invade them in a few hours. So along with Lawrence’s sidekick, At, they hastily start packing. The fun of the scene is that Beth misunderstands something Lawrence says and it leads her to the idea of blowing up the bridge. And later Lawrence blurts out that he loves her. And even he’s surprised. But it all has to happen fast. The director shot our words exactly as written but instead of shooting it as a frenetic scene he made it slow and rueful. So to me it made no sense.

Here’s the scene. Imagine it both ways. Which do you think works best?

INT. LAWRENCE’S CLUB – NIGHT

Our three heroes have returned soaked. Ai Po (the town elder) sits solemnly at the bar.

CAMERA STARTS on the bridge and pulls back to reveal the back of Beth’s head, facing it.

BETH
Our bridge. Our beloved Goddamn bridge.

She turns to face the interior where Lawrence and At are on the floor, catching their breath.

LAWRENCE
At, my pathetic little friend, are you all right?

AT
I’m fine. So I die before I ever have a woman. I helped build a bridge and some fat guys touched me. I had a full life.

LAWRENCE
If you want any more of it we’d better get going. At seven a.m. this morning all Hell’s gonna break loose.

BETH
You didn’t tell me it was seven o’clock. Jesus, there’s no time to lift a finger –

LAWRENCE
Just one of those days, I guess. At, up and at ‘em. I’ve gotta get my dope, my booze – you know, the essentials.

They rise and start collecting booze, etc.

BETH
Oh, my God, how did this happen? All the speeches… all the promises…

AT
I’m taking my grandfather.

LAWRENCE
All right. Just jam some hooch into his jumper.

AT
What about our genuine Persian carpet?

LAWRENCE
Tear it down. We’ll roll it up around your grandfather.

Beth whirls around.

BETH
Tear it down – of course! We have the dynamite. We’ll just blow the bridge to bits.

LAWRENCE
Beth, we’re in kind of a hurry here –

BETH
Blow it to bits – Lawrence, that’s a brilliant idea. We’ll show those war-mongers that the people won’t stand for their tyranny.

LAWRENCE
At, tell he it can’t be done.

AT
Should have been done in the first place. I’ll help you, Beth.

LAWRENCE
(picks up Beth)
Thank you, At.

BETH
Put me down!

LAWRENCE
Beth, don’t be crazy.

BETH
Leave me alone, I’ll do it myself.

LAWRENCE
I won’t let you.

BETH
Why?

LAWRENCE
Because I love you… Who said that?

BETH
If you love me, you’ll help me.

LAWRENCE
Now I know I didn’t say that.

BETH
Lawrence, you can’t have me unless you blow up the bridge.

LAWRENCE
That’s blackmail. Okay, fine. If that’s what it’ll take, I’ll blow up your silly bridge. I’ve done crazier things.

Lawrence and At start to move off.

BETH
No, wait. I’m sorry. I know you think the right thing can be done for the wrong reason, but for me motives are important. Lawrence, you can’t be part of this if you’re doing it for yourself.

AT
What have you learned, Dorothy?

LAWRENCE
Alright, fine. I’m blowing up the bridge for me, I’m blowing up the bridge for you, for At, for the people, for America! Please, just let me blow up the goddamn bridge!

A beat, then:

BETH
You really do love me.

LAWRENCE
Yes, I do. Can we go now?

BETH
Right away.

LAWRENCE
Thank you! Thank you very much!

Beth and At run out. Lawrence follows, figuring out what just happened.

LAWRENCE
(muttering to himself)
I think I’ve just changed my mind about grad school.

Lawrence exits.

This is a re-post from six years ago.  Whattaya think?  Too soon?