Random shit to talk about

Because I can't think of one topic.

Tonight’s new episode of INSTANT MOM was written by Annie Levine & Jonathan Emerson. It’s on Nick at Nite at 8:30 and Nick Mom at 10. Watch it before and after HOMELAND.

Fox baseball coverage drives me batty. Stop showing close ups of distraught fans between every pitch. Let’s see the game. Let’s see the players. Not a bunch of Unabombers in team gear wringing their hands.

I love how networks are touting every rookie comedy as the season’s big new hit. Not one is performing really well. Last Thursday NBC’s primetime rating among 18-34’s tied its worst average EVER (and that includes the big new hits SEAN SAVES THE WORLD, THE MICHAEL J. FOX SHOW, and WELCOME TO THE FAMILY.) Matthew Perry must be screaming, “They cancelled me for that?!”

Meanwhile, Fox has already shut down production on their upcoming midseason new hit US & THEM after only six episodes.

Daughter Annie wondered why there were no superheroes in the second episode of AGENTS OF S.H.I.E.L.D. It was like watching the bureaucracy of S.H.I.E.L.D, she observed.

Actual HUFFPOST headline: Miley Won’t Take Advice From Some ’70-Year-Old Jewish Man.

HAWAII FIVE-O, mercifully banished to Friday nights is so desperate they’re pulling the following stunt: viewers can write the storyline of an episode. The public (see the mouth breathers Fox shows praying at baseball games) will vote on-line for six key story points. They can’t do any worse than the show’s writers.

Hey, NBC, if it works, how about letting the public make out your Thursday schedule next year?

Will I enjoy GRAVITY even if I can’t see 3D?

A number of you have asked when my new book is coming out (okay, that number is one). MUST KILL TV will be released next month.  E-book and paperback.  No audiobook.  No one bought my last one. 

Great day for sports fans.  NFL football and a Red Sox game where they're not playing the Yankees. 

Notable upsets this week: Michigan, Oklahoma, Georgia, and MACHETE KILLS.

McDonalds is putting 20,000,000 books in Happy Meals next month. Collect the whole set, kids! Mayor McCheese explains the Federal Shutdown. To Catch a Hamburglar. Hold the Onion Fields: The Officer Big Mac Story. 

This is the kind of crap I tweet on Twitter if you'd like to follow me.  I'm only 1.5 million behind Tia Mowry 

I watch MASTERS OF SEX for all the wrong reasons. And if the pace doesn’t pick up, I’ll be fast-forwarding to all the wrong reasons.

Now that IRONSIDES is tanking, I’m having second thoughts about pitching my gritty reboot of LANCELOT LINK: SECRET CHIMP.

Alec Baldwin’s new late night show on MSNBC shows off his serious side. Yeah, but so what?  Unless he's funny who wants to watch?

And finally, the only way to watch Dodger baseball.  With Vin Scully.   Hurry.  Their season is rapidly ending.