The comedy writing rule of 2's

If only this could get me membership in the Magic Castle.I have this astounding ability to watch a lot of sitcoms and pitch the jokes mere seconds before the actors say them, almost verbatim. It’s an amazing skill. Houdini never could do that. Audiences are mystified.  Talk about magic.  Of course, the truth is that after years of writing comedy I just can identify the most obvious punchlines. And there are shockingly way too many...

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The best burger

Okay, I admit it. I love a good burger. I don’t smoke, do crack, drink Absinthe before noon, order waffles with whipped cream, munch on cereal that is frosted or contains marshmallows, or eat carnival food (which is deep-fried-anything-edible). I do eat vegetables, salads, some healthy fish, and Grape Nuts (that’s still good for you, right?). But like J. Wellington Wimpy I enjoy a good burger now and again. My all-time favorite burger place,...

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Happy to report

Our house is on the other side of UCLA so was not affected by the water main breaking and subsequent flood.  You can imagine the traffic though.  All we need now is for Obama to come to town tonight for a fundraiser.  But thanks to all of you who expressed concern. ...

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Have we loved Lucy enough?

Neil Genzlinger, of the New York Times is one of my favorite critics. And I often disagree with him. What I like best is that from time to time he will take a position that clearly flies in the face of popular opinion. Sometimes I think he does this just to stir things up. It’s like if I wrote in this blog that I want Patricia Heaton to have my baby. The comments would be off the charts. But in Mr. Genzlinger's case, whenever he does such...

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What can be done about stealing jokes?

Read a recent article on what recourse a comic or writer has if someone steals his jokes. The short answer: nothing. If you sue for copyright infringement it’ll cost all parties involved anywhere from $373,000 to $2.1 million. It better be one fucking great joke. Stealing gags have been around since the beginning of time. The article cites an example. Milton Berle – notorious for stealing other people’s material – used this joke: “A man...

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All-night radio -- hookers, brawls, and dead presidents

More on my ill-fated disc jockey career. In March 1973 I was hired by KMEN San Bernardino to do the all-night show. My salary was a whopping $650 a month to work the coveted midnight-six shift six nights a week. As with Bakersfield, I was not allowed to use my real name. Let’s just say Levine sounded too, uh… “New York”. So again I was Ken Stevens. Of course how do I complain that my name is too generic when my program director...

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The wackiest minor league stunt ever

Getting a prostate exam while singing "Take Me Out To The Ballgame." Minor league teams are known for their goofy stunts. Cow milking contests, etc. But I think this one takes the cake. Andy Milovich is the GM of the Myrtle Beach Pelicans. Thursday's big promotion was Prostate Cancer Awareness Night. So to celebrate, Mr. Milovich had his prostate checked in the press box. A doctor donned a rubber glove and checked around while Milovich sang during the seventh inning stretch. This beats Speed Dating Night, Christmas in July Night, Political...

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The "Who, What, or Which?" game that I just made up

I did this originally as a Tweet but thought it might expand into a fun readership-participation post. This is the kind of crap you'll get if you follow me on Twitter. You don't have to answer them all. Who, what or which?Who is more famous? John Denver or Bob DenverWho was better on CHEERS? Shelley Long or Kirstie Alley?What's the best sequel? GODFATHER 2 or MANNEQUIN 2? Which show was better? THE BOB NEWHART SHOW or NEWHART?What show...

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Friday Questions

Here are some Friday Questions since it's, y'know... Friday. RockGolf leads off: Who do you consider to be the best COMIC actor on a current DRAMA series? I'd suggest Tim Kang on The Mentalist, whose deadpan 6-year Sgt. Friday imitation slays me.I don’t think of Tim as a comic character. I suspect he doesn’t either. I’d be surprised if anyone on the staff does.  And Miguel Ferrer does a way better Sgt. Friday.  Check him out in TWIN...

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Katherine Heigl is at it again

In a move that further cheapens what REAL executive producers do, Katherine Heigl’s mother Nancy is an executive producer on Katherine’s upcoming new series, STATE OF AFFAIRS. I get the question all the time: What do executive producers do? In theory they set the creative direction of the series, oversee the writing, cast the show, hire the director and crew, supervise editing and post production, deal with the network, studio, media, and generally...

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They've closed WHAT?

Are there support groups for people who have lost restaurants? If so, I need to join one. Yes, I know, it seems silly to mourn the closing of a KooKooRoo but local eateries almost become like friends. You seek them out for comfort, familiarity, nourishment, and they generally cost you money. And it’s gratifying to know they’ll always be there – welcoming you in until 10 on weeknights, validating your parking, and serving that special corned...

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We all have to start somewhere

I was hoping the CNN documentary series THE SIXTIES would cause a huge national craze for that decade, and my book, THE ME GENERATION...BY ME (GROWING UP IN THE '60s) would start selling like Beatles records.  I was counting on it, actually.  But alas, so far sales have been more like Freddy and the Dreamer records.  Obviously, I must do something about that.  So as an excuse to get you to pick up a copy and support this free...

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RIP James Garner

So sorry to hear of the passing of James Garner Saturday night. He was 86. I never met him but never heard one bad thing from anyone who did. And you know this town – ten people will tell you Mother Teresa was a nightmare. But James Garner was the actor every comedy writer coveted. A handsome fella who was charming, could play comedy with ease, was self-deprecating, smart, and could act. Every TV sitcom pilot has that guy. I’m looking for...

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Inside story on the CHEERS "Jeopardy episode

Sometimes a Friday question requires its own post. And someone other than me answering it. Dan O'Shannon and his partner Tom Anderson wrote the Jeopardy episode of CHEERS. When a blog reader asked about it I sought out Dan for the answer. Dan O'Shannon became a show runner on CHEERS, FRASIER, and has executive produced MODERN FAMILY. He also wrote the definitive book on comedy analysis.    Many thanks to Dan for writing back...

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Have studio comedies really sunk THIS low?

Seriously? In a trailer yet? With so-called "movie stars?"WARNING:  THIS POST CONTAINS DISGUSTING MATERIAL -- all from the studio approved trailer.There's a segment in this preview of HORRIBLE BOSSES 2 not to be believed. Jason Bateman tells "movie star" Jennifer Aniston that he has to go to the bathroom. She says, "You're welcome to do that on me." He signals that it's number two. And she says "And?" In other words, unless I missed the subtlety, "movie star" Jennifer Aniston is telling Jason Bateman she's okay if he takes a shit on her....

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Creative license in technology

One of my favorite bullshit TV conventions is when the cop/detective/investigator/president/terrorist/curious bystander asks the technician to enhance the screen. Somehow they can zoom in and get crystal clear images.  Zowie!  They can see mirror reflections, read fortune cookies sticking out of pockets, identify hair follicles. If only this technology actually existed.  Here is a fun montage Duncan Robson made of all these moments.  Hopefully, it will enhance your enjoyment of procedurals... and mirrors.  ...

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A great New Yorker cartoon

... from J. C. Duffy.&nb...

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Friday Questions

Who ordered the “Friday Questions?” Bill starts us off: What are the responsibilities of the creative consultants and how does it differ from being the writer and were you the creative consultants on the shows you are credited with writing? Generally, creative consultants are writers who come in once or twice a week to help out on rewrites for whatever episode is being produced that week. They're not on staff full-time.  Their day usually...

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BEGIN AGAIN -- my review

Here’s another movie I really liked that hopefully your town has room for even with TRANSFORMERS 4 playing on every other screen. BEGIN AGAIN was written by John Carney who also gave us ONCE. ONCE was a charming little movie that spawned an Oscar-winning song and Broadway musical. It was an indie darling. BEGIN AGAIN is his follow-up, also about the music scene, and also charming. But unlike every critic I’ve read, I liked it better than...

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My take on the All-Star Game

Yes, this is a baseball post. See many of you tomorrow. But the combination of last night's All-Star Game and my warped sense of humor – it was a blog post that wrote itself. I love the All-Star Game. I never miss it. I once traveled halfway across the country to see one in person. But who are we kidding that the outcome really means something? Talk about schmuck bait. The winning league gets home field advantage for the World Series. I’m...

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My current guilty pleasure

… is COVERT AFFAIRS. And I admit I watch it for all the wrong reasons. I like seeing Piper Perabo running in high heels shooting people. This is hardly a reason to recommend a show to people. Especially in this era of extraordinary television drama. When you only have so much time and it seems every other day a friend is alerting you to an amazing drama you’ve never heard of (“Have you you checked out LUTHER?” “Have you gotten into ORPHAN...

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FRIENDS WITH BETTER JOKES AND CHARACTERS

It all began with FRIENDS, nearly twenty years ago – a sitcom starring a group of fun lovin’ twentysomethings trying to find their place in the world. FRIENDS was an enormous hit (meaning the right demographic watched) so networks have been desperately trying to copy it for years. COUPLING (based on the British version where they hired comic actors and not J. Crew models), HAPPY ENDINGS, A GUY, A GIRL, AND WHATEVER, HIMYM – the list is endless....

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How my partner and I met, part 2

Part one was yesterday. Following summer camp, David and I went back to our respective jobs… although his was still waiting for him. During my two-week stint keeping America safe the radio station changed program directors. I came back. The new guy hated me. I was gone. That’s the thanks I get for keeping the Viet Cong out of Colorado.So I moved back in with my parents in Marina Del Rey and sent around tapes trying to get another disc...

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How my partner and I met

Thanks again to David Isaacs for posting earlier this week.  A dear reader asked how we met.  It's not exactly a meet-cute and it involves the army.  Anyway, here’s how we met. Summer 1973. Jack in the Box rolled out their first Breakfast Jacks. DEEP THROAT was charming theatergoers. SIGMUND AND THE SEA MONSTERS debuted on NBC. It was a great time to be alive.David had recently moved to Los Angeles from South Florida where...

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