THE MAN FROM UNCLE -- THRUSH couldn't kill him but Guy Richie did

THE MAN FROM UNCLE wasn’t just bad. It was downright insulting. I shouldn’t be surprised. It was done by Guy Richie who is the king of style over substance. But this screenplay was so incomprehensible that it was clear Richie didn’t care. There wasn’t even an attempt to fill the audience in or plug up ridiculous logic holes.  

Instead, the screen was filled with slick, glossy, absurd action sequences, and ‘60s tropes. What he was saying was, “as long as I dazzle you with cool shots, fun vintage costumes, and video trickery you're so fucking stupid you will eat it up.” In Richie's estimation we’re just cats who can be entertained by a ball on a string.

I am a huge fan of the television series. I own the box set. I even watched THE GIRL FROM UNCLE (okay, for a different reason but still). As regular readers know, I’m also a major ‘60s freak. (I'll refrain from plugging my book... sorta.) And who doesn’t enjoy things being blown up? So I went in ready to love it.

Ugh!

I’m sorry. First and foremost a filmmaker’s obligation to the audience is to be a storyteller. It is not to fill the screen with almost two hours of retro chic bullshit. Caring about the characters, tracking the narrative is important. Duplicating Twiggy’s wardrobe is not.

Practically every decision Richie made was wrong. By veering so far away from the TV show all he did was alienate fans of the series. So there go the Baby Boomers. And Millennials could give a shit about ‘60s mod style and period detail.  Then for good measure, he does away with the iconic theme song. So he has crafted this multi-million dollar dog’s breakfast that appeals to no one.

The supervillain was as scary and convincing as Kellie Pickler. Henry Cavill was solo -- not Napoleon Solo per se but solo in that he played only one attitude – insouciance… and delivered every line the exact same way. Armie Hammer as Illya Kuryakin had two attitudes – controlled and rage. Rage was demonstrated by his hand shaking.

My hand was shaking as I left the theater. It’s one thing to make a movie with sincere intentions that falls short. We all fail sometimes. But this was something else. This was a filmmaker who has no regard or respect for his audience. This was a patronizing jerk who believes if you wrap a turd in a piece of shiny paper we’ll eat it and think it’s a Tootsie Roll.

Instead of wasting your time and money with this travesty, go watch the first season of THE MAN FROM UNCLE. Better characters (Robert Vaughn and David McCallum rock), better adventures, better look even – and it was made in black-and-white for probably $2500 an episode.