The 2012 Election Re-Cap

I have found that it’s difficult to talk politics on this blog. Even political satire (and this is essentially a humor blog). But it is such a hot topic that even if I mention a celebrity who happens to have strong political leanings I get a blizzard of hate comments. Don’t believe me? I think Patricia Heaton is a nice person and a fine actress. Just watch.

In years past I would satisfy my satirical itch by writing political essays for the Huffington Post. Their commenters were a whole other level of crazy, but who cares? It was a forum for me to express my views. However, when the HuffPost was sold for $360 million and still didn’t pay contributing writers I decided I didn’t need to express myself that badly.

So although I didn’t write about the election, I followed it very closely. I read the articles, watched the debates, researched the issues, and surveyed the various media outlets – even the ones that were reprehensible with commentators who should be shot.

It’s no secret who my candidate was. Longtime readers of this blog know that in all good conscience I just could not vote for Roseanne.

But whereas most people I know – on either side of the aisle – were really sweating out this election – studying polls on a daily basis and analyzing every word of the campaign, I had no anxiety at all. None. I knew who was going to win. The outcome was never in doubt. Personally, I thought the actual “voting” was anti-climatic. And it meant BEN AND KATE was pre-empted.

There’s one true indicator of who will win a presidential election, dear readers, and that is…

Halloween masks.

There were more Obama Halloween masks sold this year than Romney masks. Period. End of story. On to who will win THE VOICE?

And it wasn’t even close. Obama won by a 60-40 margin. I don't know why Romney took so goddamn long to concede. 

I laugh to think that each candidate spent over $100 million on polling research. All they had to do was call one Spirit Halloween store. I’m forever amused at how stupid politicians are.

Again, I would have shared this revelation on the Huffington Post had they paid me, although I have to say Nate Silver did a pretty fair job. Leave it to a baseball guy! I didn’t want to post it on the blog because I’m still getting hate mail for saying I like Ed Asner.

I switched around from network to network.  Most ridiculous was ABC's from Times Square.  It was NEW ELECTION ROCKIN' EVE.  After Obama was projected the winner I expected them to go a tape performance of the Goo Goo Dolls and Maroon 5.   And Diane Sawyer sounded like she thought it was New Year's Eve.  George S. should have cut her off during the first commercial break.

Best commentator:  Bob Schieffer of CBS. 

So now comes all the fence mending bullshit… for twenty-four hours. And then it’s business as usual – each party trying to block and smear the other. Each putting their own self-interests above the interests of the people they are sworn to represent. But the commercials will stop. Hallelujah, the commercials will stop.

And I’ll put my Roseanne Halloween mask away until next year.