FADE IN:
INT. BEDROOM - LATER THAT NIGHT
ROB IS IN BED, FLAT ON HIS BACK, STARING UP AT THE CEILING.
O.S. WE HEAR ALAN SNORING. LOUDLY. LAURA ENTERS IN A
BATHROBE.
LAURA
You’re not sleeping?
ROB
No one in New Rochelle is sleeping.
No one in New Mexico is sleeping.
LAURA
I just spent two hours cleaning the
kitchen. He said he’s going to make
French Toast in the morning. (IMAGINE
THE HORROR) French toast, Rob!
ROB
Well, he is a great cook. (OFF HER
LOOK) Right. We need to kill him.
RITCHIE ENTERS.
RITCHIE
I can’t sleep.
ROB
I’m sorry, honey. Mr. Brady is a
little loud.
RITCHIE
We’re playing tetherball in the
morning. I have to be sharp.
LAURA
Well, just try to ignore him. You
know a good way to get back to sleep?
Close your eyes and begin counting
sheep.
RITCHIE
I hate sheep.
ROB
Well, pick something you like.
RITCHIE
Money. I can count all the money Mr.
Brady gave me.
RITCHIE EXITS.
LAURA
Great. On top of everything else,
he’s corrupting our son.
ROB
Honey, I agree this is a bad
situation. But what can we do? He’s
my boss. I can’t throw out my boss.
LAURA
You don’t have to.
ROB
What do you mean? Uh oh. I don’t
like that look.
LAURA
Millie.
ROB
What? (REALIZING) Oh no.
LAURA
Millie stops by and two seconds later
the news is up on Telstar.
ROB
That would be wrong.
LAURA
French. Toast.
ROB
But he’s really trying, honey. He’s
going out of his way, he’s being
gracious, accommodating. You can’t
believe the pain he must be going
through to keep up that facade. When I
was choking earlier -- and he
expressed concern -- I almost felt
sorry for the man.
LAURA
Well, we have to do something. He’s
going to drown out the Civil Defense
siren.
ROB
It’s one night... that’s almost over.
Let it be. You’ll sleep better.
LAURA
(RE SNORING) How?
ROB
Good point. Let’s just close our eyes
and... I don’t know, count Ritchie’s
money.
DISSOLVE TO:
INT. BEDROOM - NEXT MORNING
MUTED COMMOTION IN THE LIVING ROOM WAKES UP LAURA. ROB IS
NOT THERE. SHE CHECKS THE CLOCK. 8:00. STILL A LITTLE GROGGY,
SHE GETS UP, DONS HER BATHROBE AND ENTERS:
RESET TO:
INT. LIVING ROOM - CONTINUOUS
LAURA ENTERS TO FIND ALAN RECREATING ROB’S CHOKING FIT. ROB
IS THERE ALONG WITH BUDDY AND SALLY. LAURA IS NOT THRILLED.
NOTE: THERE IS STILL A PILLOW AND BEDDING ON THE COUCH.
SALLY
That was very funny, Alan.
ALAN
When Rob was choking for real it was
hysterical. Let’s put it in the show.
SALLY
Great. Real chicken bone or stunt
double?
BUDDY
(NOTICING LAURA) Hey, it’s Laura the
white nose reindeer.
SALLY
(SWATTING HIM) Not nice.
BUDDY
I was joking. (TO LAURA) Sorry about
your face.
LAURA PRESSES ON, TRYING VERY HARD TO BE PLEASANT.
LAURA
What’s going on here?
ROB
Oh, hi honey. Didn’t want to wake
you. There are still reporters
hanging around the office so Alan
thought we could work here.
LAURA
All of you?
ROB
Well, it’s just Buddy and Sally. And
you like Buddy and Sally.
LAURA
I love Buddy and Sally. But at night.
ALAN
I’m sorry, Laura. This is all my
fault. I guess we could have done
this session over the phone.
LAURA
No, no, it’s fine. You have a show to
do. I’ll just get out of the way. I
don’t want to stick my nose where it
doesn’t belong.
BUDDY
(UNDER HIS BREATH) Too late.
SALLY SMACKS HIM AGAIN.
ALAN
Laura, you’re wonderful. It’s a dirty
crime there’s no award show to
celebrate what you do.
LAURA
Well, thank you... and whatever
academy that might be.
ALAN
And I’ll tell the choreographer and
dancers not to come.
LAURA
What?
RITCHIE ENTERS.
RITCHIE
(TO ALAN) What do cats eat for
breakfast?
BUDDY
Mice Krispies.
RITCHIE
Phooey.
RITCHIE RUNS BACK TO HIS ROOM. ROB CROSSES TO LAURA AND
TAKES HER ASIDE.
ROB
We’ll only be a couple of hours.
ALAN
Hey, Laura. If you’re hungry. I made
french toast.
ROB
(OFF LAURA’S LOOK) Don’t call Millie.
RITCHIE RE-ENTERS AND RUNS TO ALAN.
RITCHIE
What did the big bucket say to the
little bucket?
BUDDY
You look a little pail.
RITCHIE
(FRUSTRATED) Mr. Brady was supposed to
say I don’t know! You keep ruining
it!
LAURA
Ritchie, honey, get ready for school.
RITCHIE RUNS BACK TO HIS ROOM ALMOST IN TEARS. BUDDY IS
PERPLEXED.
ALAN
I’ve been giving him a dollar for
every joke he tells.
BUDDY
Well give me the dollar. I wrote that
joke forty years ago.
LAURA
(SOTTO) I’m calling.
ROB
(SOTTO) Don’t call.
LAURA CROSSES INTO:
RESET TO:
INT.KITCHEN - CONTINUOUS
LAURA ENTERS AND ONCE AGAIN IT’S A DISASTER AREA. SHE HAS
HOURS OF CLEAN UP. SHE FLOPS DOWN INTO A CHAIR IN THE
BREAKFAST AREA. THE PHONE BECKONS. SHE INCHES TOWARDS IT.
SHE’S TORN. SHE’S ABOUT TO GRAB IT WHEN ROB ENTERS.
ROB
Honey, come out here. There’s
something you gotta see.
LAURA
What? Alan had his moose head brought
over so he’d feel more at home?
HE GENTLY TAKES HER BY THE ARM.
ROB
No. Better.
THEY CROSS INTO:
RESET TO:
INT. LIVING ROOM - CONTINUOUS
THEY ENTER AND ROB LEADS HER TO THE FRONT WINDOW.
LAURA
What is it?
ROB
Alan got you a little surprise.
ROB PARTS THE BLINDS. LAURA PEERS OUT THE WINDOW.
LAURA
Ohmygod! A new car?!
ALAN
My little way of saying thank you and
don’t call Millie. I could hear you
before.
LAURA
Oh Alan, I don’t know whether to be
thrilled or ashamed.
ALAN
Thrilled. Be that. And guilty.
LAURA HUGS HIM.
LAURA
Thank you so much. You really didn’t
have to.
ALAN
Yes, I know.
BUDDY
(TO SALLY, RE CAR) Hey, that bow is
the same color as yours.
SALLY
Yep, that’s my new look -- “Buick
Skylark.”
ROB
Uh oh! Close the blinds!
LAURA DOES.
LAURA
What’s the matter?
ROB
(IN HUSHED TONES) Millie. She’s
coming down the street. Darn.
LAURA
I didn’t call.
ROB
Everybody, let’s get out of sight.
THEY ALL SCRAMBLE TO THE KITCHEN.
ROB (CONT’D)
(TO LAURA) Not you.
LAURA
Fine. But I didn’t call.
ROB
Don’t say anything to her.
LAURA
I won’t.
ALAN
(A REMINDER) Guilt.
EVERYONE BUT LAURA ENTERS THE KITCHEN JUST AS THE DOORBELL
RINGS. SHE TAKES A DEEP BREATH TO COMPOSE HERSELF THEN
ANSWERS THE DOOR.
Tomorrow the finale. Hopefully you can sleep tonight.
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