EVERYONE BUT LAURA ENTERS THE KITCHEN JUST AS THE DOORBELL
RINGS. SHE TAKES A DEEP BREATH TO COMPOSE HERSELF THEN
ANSWERS THE DOOR.
MILLIE
Laura, is that a new car? That’s a
new car.
LAURA
(JUST LOUD ENOUGH TO BE HEARD IN THE
KITCHEN) So that’s why you’re here.
Because you saw the new car. Yes.
MILLIE
Wow. With a big bow and everything.
Rob got that for you, right? I can’t
imagine an insurance company gift
wrapping a claim they have to pay off.
Unless they’re going to drop you and
this is how they let you down easy.
That’s pretty low, even for them.
LAURA
No, Millie. It is from Rob.
MILLIE
Why? It’s not your birthday. It’s
not your anniversary. (DAWNING) Oooh,
you two had a fight.
LAURA
What? No. We did not have a fight.
MILLIE
It must’ve been a doozy.
LAURA
Millie, we’re fine.
MILLIE
He slept on the couch even. What more
proof do you need besides a broken
lamp? Frankly I’m not surprised.
Well, I am but I’m not. It’s always
the ones with nice teeth. Ever notice
that?
LAURA
He did nothing!
MILLIE
They smile and seem so normal. I
blame their mothers. Just had to get
their kids braces.
RESET TO:
INT. KITCHEN -CONTINUOUS
EVERYONE LISTENING AT THE DOOR, TALKING IN HUSHED TONES.
ROB
Great. Now the whole neighborhood is
going to think we’re getting divorced.
No, by the time it gets around I will
have an addiction to pain killers,
gambling problem, was caught fooling
around with the checkout girl, and the
accident was because I was in a highspeed
chase with the police.
SALLY
No one is going to believe that.
BUDDY
Sure they will. You’ve seen his teeth.
RESET TO:
INT LIVING ROOM - CONTINUOUS
AS BEFORE.
MILLIE
Was it because he still blamed you for
the accident? Then he said things he
shouldn’t but only did because of the
pain pills? Laura, be honest, is he
addicted to those things?
LAURA
No! My God. Millie, what have those
soap operas done to you?
MILLIE
I only watch five. (THEN) But Laura,
seriously, if it’s not that then what
is it?
LAURA
(ON THE SPOT) What is it? (STALLING)
Why did Rob buy me a new car?
MILLIE
And sleep on the couch?
LAURA IS REALLY ON THE SPOT.
LAURA
Well... Millie... it’s because... the
truth is... yes, we had a fight.
MILLIE
I knew it! Over what?
LAURA
Oh, Millie...
MILLIE
Come on. I’m here for you. What was
the fight about?
LAURA
Uh...(BEAT) Cuba.
ALAN ENTERS FROM THE KITCHEN. THE OTHERS FOLLOW SHORTLY
BEHIND.
ALAN
There was no fight. I slept on the
couch. And I bought Laura that car.
MILLIE
Alan Brady?! Ohmygod! Alan Brady!
ALAN
It’s that look of surprise and horror
when people see me that pushes me ever
onward when things get tough.
MILLIE
Everyone is looking for you. It’s
even on the news. At first when I saw
you on TV I thought, “Uh oh, he died.”
ALAN
No, happily it’s just a major scandal.
ROB
Which is why you’re not going to say
anything, right Millie?
MILLIE
Huh? Oh no. Of course not.
SALLY
And while you’re not saying anything
about that, don’t tell any men that I
was voted the sexiest woman in the
writers’ union.
MILLIE
(SKEPTICAL) Really?
BUDDY
Hey, I’ve been to the meetings. She
was also voted the most handsome man.
SALLY
I’d be offended if he wasn’t right.
LAURA
Millie, this time you have to keep the
secret. Because if you don’t I swear
I’m going to... (BEAT) Rob, what am I
going to do?
ROB
Uh... she’s going to ask for all the
things you borrowed back.
MILLIE
(HORRIFIED) I’m not a murderer. (THEN)
Okay. I promise. Solemn vow. I
won’t tell a single soul that I saw
Alan Brady in your house. (PRACTICALLY
IN TEARS) Ooooh, this is going to be
so hard.
LAURA
(A WARNING) So help me, I’m taking the
Osterizer.
MILLIE
(A BROKEN WOMAN) Okay. Okay.
MILLIE EXITS.
ROB
All right, Alan, you have about a half
hour head start.
ALAN
Yeah, I figured.
LAURA
Thank you so much. But why did you do
that?
ALAN
Sooner or later I have to face this.
Why should I bring you two down with
me? (THEN) Cuba?
LAURA
That is so sweet. Thank you again.
ALAN
I just hope she also mentions that I
bought you a car. Let me get
something out of this damn deal.
DISSOLVE TO:
INT. LIVING ROOM - THAT NIGHT
ROB AND LAURA ON THE COUCH WATCHING TV. FROM THE SET WE
HEAR:
ALAN (O.S.)
Again, I apologize to my fans. I was
merely respecting my dear friend’s
final wishes. Oh, and the family
requests that in lieu of flowers
please send all donations to the
“Society for the Elevation of Pole
Dancing” just off Times Square. Thank
you.
ROB TURNS OFF THE TV.
LAURA
Well, I thought he handled that well.
ROB
I don’t think he’ll be guesting on
Captain Kangaroo anytime soon but yes.
RITCHIE ENTERS.
RITCHIE
Hey Daddy, what time did the man go to
the dentist?
ROB
Gee, I don’t know, Ritch.
RITCHIE
Tooth-hurty.
ROB
Good one.
RITCHIE
That’ll be a dollar.
LAURA
Richie, that’s not why you tell jokes.
ROB
Mommy’s right. You don’t tell them to
make money. You tell them to make
people laugh; to make them happy.
RITCHIE
Not worth it.
RITCHIE EXITS INTO HIS ROOM.
ROB
God, I hate to lie to my son.
LAURA
What do you mean?
ROB
I didn’t go into comedy to make people
happy. I’m glad I do but that wasn’t
the point.
LAURA
Then what was the point?
ROB
To impress girls.
LAURA
Rob, that’s terrible.
ROB
But it’s true. When we first met,
remember I told you that story about
chasing the raccoon under our house?
You wound up going out for a soda with
me.
LAURA
That story wasn’t funny. I felt sorry
for you.
ROB
Wait a minute. So you only went out
with me the first time out of pity?
LAURA
Well... yes.
ROB
See? It worked!
ON LAURA’S REACTION, WE:
FADE OUT.
THE END
0 nhận xét:
Đăng nhận xét