Oscar winner Cuba Gooding Jr. for Cialis

Funny parody...

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Questions Friday Style

Hello from Noo Yawk! The Mariners begin a pivotal, crucial three-game series with the Yankees tonight. I’ll be calling the play-by-play for the Seattle Mariners Radio Network and MLB.COM. If there are lulls I can answer Friday Questions on the air, but just in case the action is too jam-packed, I’ll answer them here.

Matt leads off:

Recently, "METV" reran "Love, American Style." This is the first time I've watched the show from a writing perspective and I really admire how the segments are tightly written, funny and well paced. I wonder what your thoughts are on this show as an example of how to get right into a story, on creating characters and dialog.

The great thing about that series was that it provided work for lots of writers. You would think those little featurettes would be easy to write since they were just ten-minute in length. But in fact, they were a bitch because in a sense you were writing mini-pilots – introducing characters, setting up the premise, telling the story, and getting laughs.

I always rooted for that show because it was the only comedy series on the air that was an anthology. It broke the rule that you needed to follow familiar characters to be a success.

I never got an assignment for LOVE AMERICAN STYLE but did get to write for THE TRACEY ULLMAN SHOW, which was very similar.

About ten years ago one of the networks tried to reboot LOVE AMERICAN STYLE. A pilot was produced but it never made it. REJECTION AMERICAN STYLE.

Here’s a question from Becca that she posed in the comments section of an entry from a couple of weeks ago. But it’s a great question and you are invited to weigh in as well.

What are some TV shows from the past that you felt were canceled too soon? This is a question flung out there into the universe for anybody who wants to answer.

Okay. You asked. It’s a rather long list, probably includes a lot of shows you’ve never heard of, and I’m sure I left out six more.  But here goes.

ALMOST PERFECT, BIG WAVE DAVE’S (the rest of you are not required to list these too… although it would be nice), THE PRACTICE (starring Danny Thomas, created by Steve Gordon), GOODTIME HARRY (another Steve Gordon show), THE MARSHALL CHRONICLES, FLYING BLIND, POLICE SQUAD, FREEKS & GEEKS, UNDECLARED, BUFFALO BILL, BEST OF THE WEST, OPEN ALL NIGHT, UNITED STATES (created by Larry Gelbart), THE DUCK FACTORY, MY WORLD AND WELCOME TO IT, GOOD MORNING WORLD, THE ANN JILLIAN SHOW, PAUL SANDS – FRIENDS AND LOVERS, HEY LANDLORD, HE & SHE, SLAP MAXWELL, ME AND WENDY, FM, ROLL OUT, OCCASIONAL WIFE, LATELINE, CAR 54 WHERE ARE YOU?, WHEN THINGS WERE ROTTEN, SHAPING UP, THE GEORGE CARLIN SHOW, and KAREN (Okay, I had a crush on Debbie Watson).

From Anth:

When you're writing a script and you envision a non-specific celebrity cameo of some sort (like, say, last year's The Muppets), is it considered presumptuous to include that note in the script? And is it preferable to leave it anonymous or "assign" the role to give the reader a better way to envision the scene?

We generally do not write a celebrity cameo into a script unless we know ahead of time that we have him. Of course, that’s not to say that plans don't change after you complete the script. We wrote a CHEERS episode expecting to use Larry Bird. He backed out so instead we got the Chairman of the Joints Chief of Staff, Admiral William J. Crowe.  No joke.  And they essentially played the same part.

If you are writing a spec script I would recommend that you not use any celebrity cameos. It’s kind of a cheat. You know you’re not going to get Julia Roberts to appear in your pilot or spec ROB. So why do it?

And finally, Adam White wonders:

As an aspiring staff writer, how to get agents to focus on reading specs vs original material. It seems that every time I get an agent or manager wanting to see my work, they just want to read the pilot. I have a solid original pilot, but I feel like my specs are out-and-out better displays of my talent/funniness as they don't have to waste as much time laying pipe and can focus on my strong points: nailing character voices and being funny.

Sorry, Adam, but today you do need original material. You need specs for existing shows too, but even if an agent loves your spec BIG BANG THEORY he’s going to ask to see a pilot or something original.  That's just the way it is.  I guess you could always write a couple of LOVE AMERICAN STYLE scenes. 

What’s your question? Leave them in the comments section. Many thanks!

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Writers Indignity #2756

A few years ago I got a call out of the blue from Twentieth Century Fox Publicity. The 7th season of MASH was being released in Great Britain and they wanted to know if I would do a phone conference call with British journalists to promote the new DVD’s.  It would take about an hour.  I asked when the conference was planned. “3:00 today she said, cheerfully.” “Great,” I said, “If the first seven seasons of MASH are delivered to my house by 3:00 I will do the interview.” An hour later a messenger was at my door.

The point is this: not only do writers not make a lot of money off these DVD releases, the studios won’t even give us free copies. Unless of course, THEY need something. And it’s not just writers. I was having lunch with one of the cast members of CHEERS and she said Paramount never sent her a copy of the DVD’s.

I love how in the new WGA contract, if a studio plans on having bonus tracks on a film DVD they must invite the writer to do one. That’s only fair, of course, since directors always get to do them. But here’s the catch: The studios are not obligated to USE the writer’s bonus track, nor are they obligated to pay him for his time and effort. Reminds you of Lucy teeing up the football for Charlie Brown, doesn't it?   I don’t think we’ll strike over this issue, but it’s yet another example of how the studios view us.

And this brings up another point – one that Mark Evanier brought up recently in his fine blog – should writers, directors, whoever get compensated for recording bonus tracks? If you’re a director and own a piece of the film then it’s certainly in your best interests to do a bonus track and sell more copies, but what about the rest of us? Yes, it’s fun to do and nice to have your contribution recognized, but are the studios using your ego to take advantage of you? I’ve only done a couple – my two SIMPSONS episodes. It was fun. It was easy. Gracie Films gave me copies of the DVD's without my even asking for them. And the way they recorded the track was just to screen the episode and we chimed in as it rolled. So the whole thing took maybe a half hour. I never thought about compensation. 

But what if the studio that made VOLUNTEERS came to me and said they were doing a big anniversary edition and wanted me to do a bonus track for free? First of all I would plotz that anyone would want to do an anniversary edition, but then I would be faced with a dilemma. Should I or shouldn’t I?

It reminds me of a great Woody Allen joke from his stand-up days. He was offered a Vodka commercial and didn’t feel it was morally right. But the pay was great. So he went to his rabbi for counsel. The rabbi told him to take the moral high ground. So he passed on the commercial. And then a few months later he saw it and who was selling the Vodka? His rabbi.

I would probably agree to do the bonus track.

And they wouldn’t use it.

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Summer Movies Preview 3

Wrapping up this year's Summer Movies Preview.  Most of these will come out in August and you know Hollywood only saves the best for Labor Day.  Meanwhile, the M's wrap up a three-game series with the Tigers and I'll have the call on 710 ESPN Seattle, the Mariners Radio Network, Sirius/XM satellite, and MLB.COM. 

G.I. JOE: RETALIATION – Bruce Willis will now star in any film that still allows him to be an action hero. Get a couple of your friends together, buy an M-16 and Bruce will come to your clubhouse and be in your home movie.

SEEING A FRIEND FOR THE END OF THE WORLD – Love story between Steven Carell & Keira Knightley. If you’re saying, “That’s about as likely as a giant asteroid hitting the earth” you’ve just given away the ending.

NEIL YOUNG’S JOURNEYS – “Follow the Cocaine Brick Road.”


ICE AGE: CONTINENTAL DRIFT – Cartoon animals stake out territory not yet tread by the MADAGASCAR cartoon animals.

TED – Mark Wahlberg’s teddy bear comes to life and ruins his life. Directed by Seth MacFarlane so it’s FAMILY GUY meets ALF meets THE BEAVER. Co-stars Mila Kunis so who cares if it’s funny?

RUBY SPARKS – From the people who brought you the wonderful LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE. Writer creates fantasy girl who appears to come to life. Similar to TED except she says “I love you” instead of “Go fuck yourself.”

KATY PERRY: PART OF ME – It all depends on which part.

HOPE SPRINGS – Like all couples who have been married for 30+ years, Meryl Streep and Tommy Lee Jones clash over amount of Oscars.

THE BOURNE LEGACY – This time Matt Damon has really disappeared. Jeremy Renner takes over as the action-hero. The franchise is in good hands.


TOTAL RECALL – Colin Farrell continues his bid to become California governor by starring in this Sci-Fi remake.


THE CAMPAIGN – Will Ferrell and Zach Galifianakis are two candidates who rip the shit out of each other. If it’s half as funny as this year’s Republican primaries it will be the laugh riot of the summer.


THE EXPENDABLES 2 -- Stars every over-the-hill actor star from Bruce Willis (of course) to Sly Stallone to Auh-nold. CACCOON with fight scenes.

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Jon Hamm raps the TAXI theme

This you've got to see. Jon Hamm rapping to the TAXI theme, and pretty much explaining the series. As I heard this I thought: Now this would be an interesting way to pitch a pilot to a network.

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Summer Movies Preview 2

Continuing our look at the movies that'll be clogging your cineplex very soon: 

MAGIC MIKE – Channing Tatum reprieves his real-life role as a male stripper. My guess is more straight males will go see TITANIC 3D than this summer tent “pole” movie.

SAVAGES – Oliver Stone lends his delicate touch to marijuana action film. Features maybe the scariest villain since Dennis Hopper in BLUE VELVET – Salma Hayek as the evil Mexican cartel leader. Farrr out, man!


SNOW WHITE AND THE HUNTSMAN – Yet another Snow White vehicle. THRICE UPON A TIME.

THE WATCH – Ben Stiller, Vince Vaughn, and Jonah Hill protect their neighborhood from aliens. May the farce be with you.  Formerly named NEIGHBORHOOD WATCH but changed last Friday in light of the less than comedic actual neighborhood watch that went bad in Florida.  Yeah, a title change will make people forget.


MADAGASCAR 3: EUROPE’S MOST WANTED – THE AMAZING RACE with cartoon animals. Probably a fun romp.

THAT’S MY BOY – Another Adam Sandler comedy. So the movie equivalent of toxic waste.

PEOPLE LIKE US – Date movie for the whole family. Elizabeth Banks falls for Chris Pine. One minor comic complication – he’s her brother.


YOUR SISTER’S SISTER – One minor comic complication – she’s her sister.

TO ROME WITH LOVE – Woody Allen’s 178th movie. At the rate he’s going through foreign locales he should be doing THREE MILE ISLAND PARADISE by 2016.

VIRGINIA – Jennifer Connelly with a Southern accent. The MILF version of Blanche DuBois.


PROMETHEUS – Prequel to ALIENS. A spaceship journeys to another planet. Not to spoil the plot but I hope the crew brought a lot of Tums.


ROCK OF AGES – the Broadway musical hits the big screen with noted singer, Tom Cruise in the lead.

ABRAHAM LINCOLN: VAMPIRE HUNTER – My high school history teachers didn’t believe me! Finally, the truth is coming out!

The conclusion tomorrow.  

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Summer Movies Preview

Hello from Seattle.  Tonight I begin two weeks of broadcasting Mariners games on 710 ESPN Seattle, the Mariners Radio Network, Sirius/XM satellite, and MLB.COM.  Hope you'll tune in.

Meanwhile, it's that time of year again -- Hollywood trots out its superheroes, sequels, and God help us, Adam Sandler.  Here is my annual Summer Movies Preview.  Don't the the fact that I haven't seen any of these movies undermine the legitimacy of my takes on them. 

THE DARK KNIGHT RISES – Batman is back, with Anne Hathaway as the Catwoman with the Joker smile. Okay, I’m a geek. I can’t wait.


THE AVENGERS – Not since the Hanna-Barbera Laff-A-Lympics have more superstar characters gathered for one project.

DARK SHADOWS – Contains the two key elements in good filmmaking – adapting an old TV series and vampires.


CHERNOBYL DIARIES – Sequel to PRINCESS DIARIES.


BATTLESHIP – Yes, this is a movie based on a Hasbro toy but before you dismiss this movie – Rihanna’s in it.


HYSTERIA – Don’t feel left out, girls. A movie about your favorite toy is also coming out. Romcom on the invention of the vibrator.


MEN IN BLACK 3 – Taking advantage of the MIB craze by coming out with this sequel ten years after the last one. Hopefully not a rush job.

THE AMAZING SPIDER-MAN – Will audiences accept a Spider-Man who doesn’t sing and dance? Hollywood is taking a big gamble.


MOONRISE KINGDOM – A Wes Anderson movie so you know it will be quirky and feature Bill Murray.

BRAVE – First Pixar movie with a female lead. But since they pulled it off with a rat and robot I’m predicting they pull this off too.


WHAT TO EXPECT WHEN YOU’RE EXPECTING – Five women dealing with pregnancy. So five sequels to KNOCKED UP.


THE DICTATOR – Another Sacha Baron Cohen send-up movie. So it could either be another BORAT or BRUNO.


THE BEST EXOTIC MARIGOLD HOTEL – Judi Densch, Maggie Smith, Bill Nighy and Tom Wilkerson in a hotel in India. Date movie for every retirement village in Florida.

More tomorrow...

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