What killed our show: Follow up

Yesterday’s post on what killed our TV series sparked a lot of conversation in the comments section. So I thought I’d follow up on some things.

Reader Elf asked:

Was there ever any justification given for the network demand that Kevin be dropped? Did they not like his performance? Did they have research that showed he scared small children? Did he sleep with one of the network executive's wives?

The reason given (and I say that because who really knows?) was testing. And it’s not that Kevin tested particularly bad; it’s just that the others tested higher.

When I asked to see the testing they would only provide me with the comments people wrote. There were the usual “love her” “hate her” “I can’t stand the shoes everyone wears” comments, but there were also a lot of comments saying “this is a real cute show and I’d watch this if it were on the air.” And this was after we had been on the air for a year. What this tells me is that a bigger problem than Kevin was the CBS promotion department. On the air for a full season and all these test subjects thought it was a pilot?

And there too, maybe that affected the testing. If these people saw episode 16 and thought it was the pilot then they weren’t properly introduced to the characters and relationships.

RareWaves wondered if we had considered pulling a BEWITCHED and just swapping lead actors. No. Never for a moment. So much of the relationship was the chemistry and dynamics. That changes significantly with a new person in the role. Better to find someone else, go down a different track.

Bill Jones said...

Excellent story and guidance. However, this part struck me:

"we did one where Nancy overhears who she thinks is the man of her dreams but all she knows is that he spilled salad dressing on himself so at a big industry party she goes around checking out every man’s crotch. And we did one where she goes to a grief counseling class, doesn’t realize it’s for people who lost pets, shares her story and makes it seem like she had sex with her dog."

I'm going to remember this the next time you call out current sitcoms for "too many vagina jokes," etc. Crotch jokes and sex-with-dog jokes aren't exactly highbrow.

Glass houses, etc...

There are ways of dealing with this subject matter in somewhat sophisticated ways. In the case of the dog sex episode, everything was inferred. It was a comedy of misunderstanding not bestiality. And the fun was everyone’s reaction to the story. In today’s series I imagine characters would have sex with dogs. “Dude, I got so wasted last night. I think I did this really bad thing.” We stayed well clear of that.

As for the crotches. The fun was Nancy and the other characters circulating a party having to take discreet quick peeks at guy’s crotches. In some cases they were spotted and the fun was their excuses. At one point Nancy was discreetly checking some guy out and he said, “My eyes are up here.” It was a nice play on the complaint women often have about men always fixated on their breasts. I believe the bit was done in a subtle and tasteful way, but you may disagree. 2 BROKE GIRLS is on every week, Bill. Check it out.

And finally, Chip Zien, from our cast checked in:

Maybe I'm wrong... But I thought the premise of the show was a devilishly handsome but frustrated overlooked member of a writing team with glasses struggles with lack of respect issues and his inability to meet nice women. There was another concept? What?!

The truth is Chip’s character “Gary” was my favorite to write of in the series. I’ve since written a screenplay and stage play where essentially that same character appears and I always hear Chip’s voice when I write it. In ALMOST PERFECT, we had Gary married to “Patty” (played hilariously by Lisa Edelsten) – every Jewish boy’s dream/nightmare. Anytime we had a scene between the two of them, especially an argument, Robin Schiff (one of the show's co-creators) and I would just channel Patty and Gary. The rest of the staff would sit back as Robin and I just dictated the scene. Clearly, we were both in need of serious therapy.

An interesting story about Chip. When we were originally casting the show he was in New York and auditioned on tape. We liked the audition a lot but learned he was committed to another CBS pilot. So we moved on.

The table reading for the pilot was on a Thursday. The next day was Good Friday so we planned to not rehearse; just resume on Monday.

The actor we had chosen for Gary did not do well at the table reading. We decided to replace him. But with whom? At least we had one day’s reprieve because of Good Friday. Talk about scrambling. Our casting director discovered that Chip had only been hired as a guest star in the pilot. They had no hold on him other than filming the actual pilot (which had already been shot). It’s a gamble production companies sometimes take. They figure the actor won’t get another pilot so if their show is picked up they can negotiate a better deal. But if he does get another pilot, you’re fucked.

So Chip was available. We watched his tape again and knew instantly that he was the guy. A call was made to Chip who said he was interested.

Things were going a little too smoothly. We called CBS and they wanted us to see several other actors, none of whom were even remotely right. We didn’t have the time to waste. We had to close Chip’s deal and get him on a plane to Los Angeles.

Thus a long call to CBS. We said time was of the essence, they obviously like Chip’s work if they approved him for another pilot, the actors they suggested were totally wrong for what we had in mind – let’s just do this. They begrudgingly gave in. Usually that means they’ll hate the person, but we would face that potential problem later.

So Chip arrived on Monday, was fantastic, and on Wednesday we had the network runthrough. To their credit, after Chip’s first scene, the executive who had his doubts took us aside and said, “He’s perfect! I didn’t see what you were going for, but now I get it totally.”

Unfortunately, that executive was replaced and the rest is "our show was history."

I’ve inquired about getting ALMOST PERFECT released either on DVD or on streaming sites. So far I’ve hit a brick wall. It’s too bad because it was a good show that deserved a better fate.

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What killed our series

Reader Tudor Queen had an interesting comment about ALMOST PERFECT from Sunday's post on pilot pitching. She said:

When you mentioned the pitch for "Almost Perfect" I couldn't help remembering how good the first season was, and then the network decided to completely change the premise - she lost the guy - and the show wasn't nearly as good.

As a peek behind the curtain in television, I thought I’d share with you the backstory to that whole sordid concept change.

ALMOST PERFECT was created in 1995 by Robin Schiff, David Isaacs, and myself. The premise very quickly: A young single woman in her 30s is struggling in her career and love life. And then on the day she gets the job of her life she meets the guy of her life, and both are fulltime jobs. How does she juggle both?

We cast Nancy Travis and Kevin Kilner as the couple. When we first brought Kevin to CBS to get him approved, the then-president thanked us for finding him. He was over-the-moon thrilled. As were we.

But during our first season there was a regime change at CBS. You see where this is going.

Our numbers the first year were decent – not spectacular but not Mindy-like either. We were originally on Sunday night, traditionally not a good night for comedy, and then moved to Monday  where we fared much better.

Still, we were a show on the bubble.

So David, Robin, and I flew back to New York when CBS was cobbling together its fall schedule. That’s when we got the mandate to drop Kevin. There was no arguing the point. We fire Kevin or the entire show in cancelled and everybody is fired. And even firing Kevin was no guarantee we’d get a second year pick-up.

The next day the three of us sat in a hotel suite and desperately tried to come up with an alternate direction. Without that central theme, what were we left with? A single working woman is dating. Big whoop. There were dozens of shows with that premise including THE MARY TYLER MOORE SHOW, which did it as well or better than any other show in history.

All day long we bounced around ideas and nothing seemed to gel. It’s like our series became its own spinoff.

Ultimately, we decided to go the dating route for awhile and hope that one of the dates could catch on and we could steer back to our original concept.

Here’s the end result: We did some very inventive and funny episodes, but coming up with each and every story was like emergency root canal in a Cambodian jungle performed by a villager.

We did a dream sequence show paying homage to different movie genres (including a splashy dance number), we had Nancy date a creepy guy who was a Nielson family (her job was running a TV cop show), we did one where Nancy overhears who she thinks is the man of her dreams but all she knows is that he spilled salad dressing on himself so at a big industry party she goes around checking out every man’s crotch. And we did one where she goes to a grief counseling class, doesn’t realize it’s for people who lost pets, shares her story and makes it seem like she had sex with her dog.

Meanwhile, we tried to work in some potential new boyfriends but no one clicked.

Me directing A.P.

First year stories were relatively easy to come by. We just followed the stages of a relationship. What’s it like having to sleep at his place for the first time? How do they negotiate living together? When should they live together? What happens when he learns she makes more money than he does? How do you deal with past lovers? And the heart of the premise -- how do you juggle both personal and professional worlds? In other words, we weren’t starting flatfooted every week.

Again, none of this surprised us. We knew the minute we had to let Kevin go that the series was in trouble because it was no longer ABOUT anything. We not only did the best we could, we wound up working twice as hard, but the end result was understandably disappointing.

The moral here – you need your show to have a theme, a purpose, a fresh point of view. Wacky characters trading zingers is not a series. That's four months of being stuck in the writing room for 20 hours a day/seven days a week, and then getting cancelled. That's satisfying every network and studio note (thus turning it into one big mish-mosh) because you have no strong direction yourself. It’s constant flailing.

In another couple of months the networks will once again open their doors to new pilot pitches. And a crazy high concept idea that’s not about anything may well sell. And get on the air. At that point I pity the poor writer. Because the misery begins promptly with episode two.

UPDATE:  There have been a lot of comments about this post so tomorrow I will do a follow up, answer some of your questions, and fill you in with more stories.   Y'all come back now, ya hear?

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The 2014 Tony Awards: My review

This is not a full review of the Tony Awards because, well… nobody saw them. Why write jokes that only four people in America will get (although the great comedy writer Jerry Belson used to say “Four is good enough for me”)?

Plus, it was a pretty average show. This has been such a lousy year for musicals that only four were nominated. And to pad the show they trotted out a number from WICKED, and songs from two shows not even on Broadway yet – a grim old sea shanty by Sting and Jennifer Hudson honking a four-minute plug for a new Harvey Weinstein Peter Pan musical. Gee, I wonder how that got on the show?

Jason Robert Brown won two Tonys for the music in BRIDGES OF MADISON COUNTY and nothing was sung from that show. Instead we got Jennifer Hudson belting out another generic boring power ballad. Again, thank you, Harvey.

And neither music awards were presented live. Nor was Best Book of a Musical. Aren’t these kind of important categories? Are the Tonys honoring outstanding work in the theatre or a chance for CBS star LL Cool J. to do a rap version of THE MUSIC MAN?

Hugh Jackman was perfectly charming as the host, although the comedy was not nearly as sharp and biting as when Neil Patrick Harris hosted in past years. But writers could have something to do with that. (I know. It’s always the writers’ fault.)

Some random thoughts:

If you’re saying “what was with the opening number and Hugh Jackman hopping all around?” Like everyone in the WORLD knows, that was an homage to Bobby Van from the most famous Broadway musical of them all, SMALL TOWN GIRL. Nothing obscure about that number!

Doesn’t everything Idina Menzel sings sound exactly like the song from FROZEN?

The highlight number for me was ALADDIN with James Monroe Inglehart as the genie. Wow, he was terrific. Too bad he didn’t star in THE CRAZY ONES too. I might’ve watched it.

There was no In Memoriam section. Guess they needed the time to salute WICKED for the millionth time.   There have been so many cast changes that I was surprised we didn't see Elisabeth Hasselbeck and Judge Judy as the two witches. 

If ever there was a lock it was Neil Patrick Harris. He is clearly the toast of Broadway. The only way he could lose a Tony is if he’s up against Audra McDonald.

I was thrilled that Jessie Mueller won for Best Actress in a Musical for BEAUTIFUL. Who knew? You can win without belting to the last row.

That said, it must suck to be Kelli O’Hara today. She lost for the fifth straight time, and everyone who saw her in BRIDGES OF MADISON COUNTY said she was nothing short of wondrous. She needs to change her name to Audra.

I was disappointed Clint Eastwood didn't sing a medley from PAINT YOUR WAGON.  

Everyone says A GENTLEMAN’S GUIDE (winner of Best Musical) is a hoot. And yet, for all the good buzz and rave reviews, it has only limped along at the boxoffice. I imagine that will change.

Of all the award shows, Tony acceptance speeches are always the most eloquent and heartfelt. And fun. Lena Hall gave us all three.

It was nice to see playwrights get to introduce their plays. And not Fran Drescher.

How does RAISIN IN THE SUN win every award possible and star Denzel Washington not even be nominated?   I guess he was an unknown to the Broadway community

Despite the silly MUSIC MAN rap, there was a real musty vibe to this year’s show. Much hipper in recent years. Jackman was singing revised versions of old chestnuts like L.O.V.E. and Mack the Knife.  That's fine but give me more Lin-Manual Miranda. 

Jennifer Hudson as a black Peter Pan in a silver evening gown – finally we get J. M. Barrie’s true interpretation of the character.

Alan Cumming’s suit was ridiculous. It looked like a Rorschach test.

75% of the time when they cut to someone in the audience I didn’t know who they were. And the rest of the time it was Kevin Bacon. His connection to Broadway was that he once bought a ticket to see a show.

And finally, for the biggest award of the night, the best presenter they could find was Rosie O’Donnell?   Were these the Daytime Emmys?   Where was Angela Lansbury or Bernadette Peters or Barbara Cook or even Elaine Stritch? But I guess it could have been worse. Rosie could have lost the coin flip and Fran Drescher presented Best Musical.

Update.  Here is the un-aired In Memoriam segment prepared for the Tonys.   It's inexcusable that they showed the Jennifer Hudson number and not this.

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Okay... just one more credit

Again, from Johnny Walker.  He asked what absurd credit I would suggest.  This was my vote.  Thanks, Johnny.

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How to pitch a pilot or movie

Sometimes a Friday question is worth a whole post. So here’s one from Cap’n Bob Napier about pitching.

Ken, I recently worked at a writer's conference helping people practice their pitch before meeting with an agent or editor. In 99% of the cases they presented a summary or synopsis or plot rundown, but never a pitch. Would you discuss what sets a pitch apart from a synopsis, etc.?

Pitching is an art. When you walk into that room you’re not a writer, you’re a salesman. You’re Don Draper.

Your goal is to get the person you’re pitching it – be it an agent, network, studio, investor, whoever – excited. It’s way more than just about spelling out the synopsis.

So here are some tips. They apply specifically to pitching comedies although I imagine most of the same principles apply to dramas and cooking shows.

First: Your appearance. Guys, you don’t have to wear ties but show some respect. Nice shirt, maybe a jacket. Don’t show up at a network meeting in a workout suit (I’ve seen this happen). For me to give women fashion advice would be like the Pope giving sex tips, but unlike men, most women are smart enough not to show up at CBS in sweats.

Bring with you a beat sheet that has the salient points of your pitch. Don’t bring a presentation that you read aloud. That’s death.

If possible, you need to appear confident and relaxed. And it’s easier than you think. Those meetings always have a false sense of casualness. Everyone’s breezy, there’s usually five minutes of charming chit-chat. Meanwhile, you’re dying inside and they’re so sick of these meetings they could scream. But it’s all smiles and will help put you at ease. As a general rule, I find it’s best not to take a shot at them for not buying something you pitched last season. That sets a bad tone.

When you pitch, make eye contact. With everybody. Usually there will be the alpha dog (VP of Development, head agent, studio exec) and two to five assistants. Make eye contact with all of them. Some writers make the mistake of only playing to the big decision maker and ignoring everyone else. First off, that’s incredibly rude. Secondly, you want everyone on board. The more people in your corner the better. And guess what? These assistants often go on to become alpha dogs themselves. And they have a very good memory for assholes.

I’ve seen male writers only look at the male executives and ignore the women. You can’t believe how they are loathed.

Don’t mumble. Don’t say “you know” or “like” a thousand times. Don’t stop every few minutes to refer to the beat sheet, pause, and then resume.

As for the pitch itself:

Rule number one: Be enthusiastic. This is a killer idea! You’re passionate about this one. To say, “I see a lot of vampire movies are selling. Why I don’t know but anyway here’s my vampire movie” is to say, “Hi, I’m wasting your time and mine.”

If you’re pitching a movie the rules have changed. Producers and studios generally now like the whole movie worked out. You have to walk them through the entire picture. And if it’s a comedy point out block comedy scenes and trailer moments. Maybe even have the tag line for the one-sheet.

Start with the concept and why you think it’s so great. The arena is completely unexplored. This is a relationship you’ve never seen. You’ve found a way to do THE SORROW AND THE PITY but really FUNNY.

I suggest you really rehearse your pitch. You can get so lost pitching a movie, laying out unnecessary details and omitting others. Confusing the buyer is not a good thing. Neither is boring the shit out of him. If you’ve pitched for a half-hour and you’re still in act one you are so toast. Do a dry run or two for your agent or significant other.

Another usual tip I’ve found when pitching movies, have Martin Scorsese attached and have him at the meeting.

For television: If you can distill the series into a few lines, that’s a great start. For ALMOST PERFECT with Nancy Travis we said, “This is about a single woman in her thirties, having trouble with her personal life and working life and on the day she gets the job of her life she meets the guy of her life. Both are full-time jobs. How does she balance both?” CBS bought it right there.

For comedy pilots, have some jokes in your pitch. And this is very important: don’t bail if they don’t laugh. Some network executives are great audiences, others are like playing tennis against a blanket. But just plow forward. Just cause a network doesn’t laugh doesn’t mean they won’t buy your show. And on the other hand, we always have ABC rolling in the aisles and they never buy.

One more note about pitch jokes – don’t you laugh hysterically at them. Boy does that wreak with desperation.

Spell out the concept, and what the series is about. Networks want to know if the idea has legs. Will there be several years worth of stories? Where’s the funny in the series?

Give quick sketches of the characters. Again, sprinkle in laughs.

Then have four or five stories. All you need are brief summaries. But enough so they get the idea of the series.

After you’ve rundown your pitch the network will generally ask you a few questions. This is not a bad thing (unless they're hopelessly confused, that's bad) The more they talk about the idea the more you can get them excited about it.

A sitcom pitch should be about twenty minutes.

Props and visual aids are at your own peril. Sometimes they help, most times they don't.

And finally, when they say, “Okay, this sounds good. Let us talk it over” that’s your cue to say “thank you”, get up, shake hands, and leave. Don’t keep pushing. Don’t suddenly remember something about a character you forgot to mention. Get in, make your pitch, and get out.

Like I said, pitching is an art. But unlike the ability to write, it can be learned and practiced and perfected.

And then there’s this: You can give the greatest pitch in the world. You can be Paul Harvey, George Clooney, and the Juiceman all rolled into one but if the idea itself is shit it’s not going to sell. Likewise, a great idea can sometimes survive even a subpar pitch. But most ideas are somewhere in the middle – that is until you step into the room and blow ‘em away.

Best of luck. Make Don Draper proud (the way Peggy did in the midseason finale).

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This one's legit

Thanks to reader John  for the heads up.  Joseph Heller wrote for MCHALE'S NAVY.  I took this actual screen shot:

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One more impressive credit

How could I forget this?  It's one of our biggest hits.

(Thanks to Howard Hoffman for...er... "finding" it.)

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