Actors I've worked with who won't remember me

Michael Keaton is getting a lot of Oscar buzz (despite winning a Golden Globe) and I can proudly say that I’ve written for him. But not in a big movie. He did a guest spot on FRASIER that David Isaacs and I wrote. And it got me thinking about all the major names I’ve worked with, especially as a director – but not in the projects they’re really known for. It’s like I’m in the shadow of everyone’s career. But here’s a partial list. Ready for some name dropping?

I directed an NBC sitcom in the ‘90’s called LATELINE. Among the folks I pushed around were now-senator Al Franken, Miguel Ferrier (I can't keep up on what series he's currently on), Megyn Price (RULES OF ENGAGEMENT), Sanaa Latham, Caroline Aaron, Michael McKean, soap opera star Lisa LoCicero, Bob Elliott (from Bob & Ray), Robert Reich (of all people), and Allison Janey.

I’ve had to direct sports stars. Karl Malone (not funny), Terry Bradshaw (sort of funny), Mike Ditka (what do you think?).

This year’s Oscar host Neil Patrick Harris was directed by me… in STARK RAVING MAD. Also in that cast was Tony Shaloub. Can you imagine a better pairing?

Lots of shows come and go. I hope my directing didn’t directly contribute to their demise. But check out some of these barely remembered series with great casts. I directed three episode of Kristin Chenoweth’s sitcom KRISTIN. In addition to working with her, I had the pleasure of giving acting notes to Jon Tenney (you’ve seen him in everything Miguel Ferrier is not in), Ana Ortiz (kicked ass in UGLY BETTY), and playwright Christopher Durang (like he needed me to tell him what’s funny).

Joan Plowright is one of the finest actresses to ever grace a stage. And yet, she was directed by me. That was in ENCORE ENCORE where I also worked with the great Nathan Lane, and Glenne Headly (DICK TRACY). 

How many of you remember PEARL? It starred Rhea Perlman and I “megged” that show. In the cast were Malcolm McDowell (the guy starred in a Stanley Kubrick film), Carol Kane, and Lucy Liu (now starring in ELEMENTARY).

I never directed Leah Remini in KING OF QUEENS, but I did direct her in FIRED UP. On that show I also worked with Jonathan Banks (BREAKING BAD), Dixie Carter, Sharon Lawrence, and Mark Feuerstein. Actually, I did two shows with Mark. FIRED UP might be the most well known of the two.

But CONRAD BLOOM, which starred Mark, also featured a rather nifty cast of Linda Lavin (Broadway royalty), the late comic genius, Steve Landesberg (BARNEY MILLER), Julie Benz (murdered horribly in DEXTER), and Gilmore Girl Lauren Graham.

I also worked with Julie in ASK HARRIET. Yes, my directing resume is impressive. Willie Garson (WHITE COLLAR) also toiled in that cast. And Ed Asner guested in both of my episodes. I never got to direct him in THE MARY TYLER MOORE SHOW, just ASK HARRIET.

On my own show, ALMOST PERFECT, in addition to the amazing cast led by Nancy Travis (I was the showrunner, they had to tolerate me), we had Lisa Edelstein (HOUSE) as a frequent and hilarious guest. I also directed her in JUST SHOOT ME. Again, these are not shows any of these people are particularly known for. Tom Verica (now in HOW TO GET AWAY WITH MURDER) played a porn star in one episode and Katherine LaNasa (lots of hour series that didn’t last) was an occasional guest, as was Talia Balsam (Mrs. George Clooney before Amal), and comedian Steven Wright. My note to Steve was “more energy.” Actually, it was “any energy.” But damn was he funny when the cameras rolled.

BECKER provided me the chance to work with a lot of great people you didn’t know were on BECKER. Comedians Gilbert Godfried and Avery Schreiber. Among the cast members were Shawnee Smith (SAW I-XIIVI), and Jorge Garcia (found on LOST). I also got to work with Brenda Vaccaro (celebrated movie star and one-time spokesperson for Playtex Tampons), reality star and jailbird Richard Hatch, and Nicolette Sheridan (happily, I’m not involved in any of her lawsuits).

A terrific show that got no love was IT’S ALL RELATIVE. I directed a bunch of those. And what a cast. Harriet Harris, John Benjamin Hickey (at the moment in THE GOOD WIFE), Chris Sieber, and Maggie Lawson (PSYCH). I had the privilege of working with Victor Garber (who came in the day before we shot with a large difficult role and just crushed it – I love that guy).

And just as you may not remember some of these shows, I’m sure a large portion of the actors and actresses I listed above don’t remember me. Well, Al Franken does. I gave to his campaign.

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A crazy award season story

They say it’s an honor just to be nominated. And I guess that’s true. But it kind of depends on what the award is you’re nominated for. “Best Sleeper” in camp is not as prestigious as an Oscar (although it is on a par with a Golden Globe).

Awards given by your peers generally hold more weight. And that’s why being nominated for a WGA Award is an honor. At least for me. I’ve won a People’s Choice Award and they wouldn’t even give me the statue. They wanted me to pay $300 for it. No thank you.

But I’m always been extremely humbled and grateful to be nominated for a WGA Award. And David Isaacs and I have been nominated numerous times (we won twice).

But one time was very weird. In the summer of 1981 the WGA membership went out on strike (big shocker). But some of the small production companies that were getting killed by the layoff made a deal with the WGA that they would accept whatever terms were eventually reached if they could continue to do business. A new sitcom premiering that fall on ABC was called OPEN ALL NIGHT. An small independent company produced the show – I think they were called Freeway Productions.

The show was created by Tom Patchett & Jay Tarses, former showrunners of THE BOB NEWHART SHOW, and future showrunners of BUFFALO BILL.

At the time, David and I had a development deal with Lorimar, making us exclusive to them. But our deal was temporarily suspended during the strike. Tom & Jay asked if we wanted to write a couple of episodes of OPEN ALL NIGHT. Since it was legal and we loved working with those guys, we happily accepted.

Both of our episodes aired although the series never caught on. The show debuted the end of November and was gone by March. Still, we were happy with the two episodes we wrote.

Then it came time to submit scripts for the WGA Awards. Usually we had MASH scripts, but this year all we had was OPEN ALL NIGHT. So we figured, what the hell? We submitted one of the two scripts, "Terry Runs Away."   

A few months later we got a call from our agent. She said the WGA nominations were just announced and she congratulated us for making the cut. We thanked her, but both of us honestly thought she was joking. How could an OPEN ALL NIGHT get nominated? You still had MASH along with TAXI and I believe, BARNEY MILLER. So we hung up and thought nothing of it.

The next morning the paper arrived (yes, we still got newspapers in those days) and I was curious to see who actually did get nominated.

HOLY SHIT!  She was telling the truth!

The Awards were given out at a gala dinner – by gala, I mean expensive. But the production company always paid for their nominees. Usually they also provided limos. Unfortunately, once OPEN ALL NIGHT was cancelled the production company disbanded. There was no one to cover our tickets.

Also, the production company (or studio) will buy a table for your show. The studio execs, showrunner, and maybe some staff members will be there in support. No one from Freeway Productions planned on attending.

We were assigned a table that had four vacancies. So David and I and our Plus Ones joined the folks at HILL STREET BLUES. It felt like we crashed someone’s party. And it didn’t help that none of the HILL STREET folks had ever heard of OPEN ALL NIGHT.

HILL STREET BLUES won the Best Drama Award. The writer had a whole list of colleagues to thank. I turned to David and said, “Who would we thank? Other than Tom & Jay, we never met anybody from Freeway Productions. Have we even gotten paid?” David wisely said, “What difference does it make? We’re not going to win.”

Sure enough. He was right. Yes, it was disappointing. It always is. At the moment they announce the nominees you never think just being nominated is an honor. You hope you WIN. In this case, we weren’t expecting a victory. But it sure would have been a hoot. Especially walking up to the stage, hearing the murmurs of “OPEN ALL NIGHT? What the fuck is that?”

This year’s WGA Awards are Saturday night. Best of luck to all the nominees. It really IS an honor.

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Bon Voyage

Just so you know…

I am leaving today for a three-week trip to the Far East. I’ll be in Beijing for the Chinese New Year (counting ours and the Jewish one – my third New Years this year). Among my other stops will be Seoul, Korea (which I can write off as research for MASH), Shanghai, Hong Kong, Taiwan, several stops in Japan, and Tokyo (where I’ll inquire if any Japanese baseball teams need a play-by-play announcer).

I will continue to post something new each day I’m away, including Friday Questions. No, I’m not going to China to sit in a hotel room writing blog posts. I have prepared and scheduled them already. So fair warning, nothing is time sensitive. Note to any public figure I really admire: Don’t die. I won’t be able to write a tribute.  There have been enough this past week to last the entire year.

So what about my annual Oscar review?  I have something special planned.  Check in.  

I’m not sure that I’ll be able to access my blog in China. It might be blocked. 

On the other hand, it’ll be a nice vacation not having to write my blog.

But like I said, I’ve done my homework, and I think I’ve got some pretty cool posts coming up during my absence. I remember when Johnny Carson would take a vacation from THE TONIGHT SHOW he’d get a guest host to substitute for him. His two main go-to people were Joan Rivers and Bill Cosby, so neither of those options will work. Best to just do it myself.

Now I’m going to ask your help on something. If I’m not allowed access to the blog it means I can’t monitor the comments. So I’m going to leave it up to you guys to play nice with each other. No going off on some political thread that leads to insults and bad feelings. Remember, this is a humor blog. We’re here to have fun.  I should be able to read them via email, but I might not be able to get in to delete any.   Eventually, I will. Don’t make me delete yours. Thank you.

Also.  Any dining suggestions for Beijing, Dalian, Seoul, Shanghai, Xiamen, Hong Kong, Kaohsiung, Taipei, Kagoshima, Kyoto, or Tokyo? 

I’ll miss you all, but I’ve got to get out of town. Since hosting on TCM I’ve just been mobbed everywhere I go. It’ll be nice to not have to sign autographs every five seconds. I will come back with many stories I’m sure. And if you’re in one of these places and can get the blog, just know I’ll be coming. Let me know if I can make a legal right turn on a red light in your country.

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My thoughts on FIFTY SHADES OF GREY

No surprise that FIFTY SHADES OF GREY opened big this weekend. There was tremendous curiosity about whether this masterfully written book could possibly be adapted for the screen. Could all the subtlety and subtext somehow make the transition? Could the complex themes resonate when the story was put on its feet (or on it's back)?

And what about the task for the actors? There was so much depth and dimension to Christian and Anastasia, would any actor – no matter how well trained or naturally gifted – be able to pull it off? Maybe Meryl Streep but alas she can play everything but young.

Based on the boxoffice, the answer to all of these questions is a resounding YES.

Dakota Johnson and Jamie Dornan are virtual locks to win Best Actor & Actress Oscars next year.

The real battle will be for Best Supporting Actor & Actress. All of the roles in this movie were challenging. Each one was so well-drawn and specific on the page. Like “best friend” or “guy who works with her.” I fear the sterling performances will cancel each other out and someone less deserving from another movie will win those Oscars instead. Thank goodness for the Golden Globes. We can at least count on them to get it right. And the AVN’s.

The screenwriter wisely decided to keep the sex scenes. What a courageous move! There is always the danger that nudity, graphic sex, and kinky sex will detract from the poetic dialogue. Especially when it occupies half the movie. Credit as well to the director. Bold choice to show as much as the MPAA will allow.

The ultimate success of a chick flick is whether the studio can lure guys in as well. And this one does, even without major explosions or comic book heroes. The story twists and turns are just so riveting. It’s a master class in filmmaking.

I haven’t seen the movie myself yet. Yes, I’m sure it’s glorious on the big screen. (Size does matter in IMAX). But I worry that I won’t get the full appreciation of FIFTY SHADES OF GREY if I can’t hit pause, rewind, and slow motion. Yes, I’ll be tempted. That’s what the movie is all about, isn’t it? But hopefully, I’ll be able to see it in a couple of months. In the meantime, thank God for the internet.

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Why did we leave MASH?

In light of Jon Stewart leaving THE DAILY SHOW, I'm reminded of the national uproar when David Isaacs and I left MASH.  Here's a re-post of a Friday Question from five years ago.  Trust me, with Brian Williams as my witness, bevo is just one of MILLIONS who asked this question.  

bevo asks:

How come you left MASH?

We had just completed the 7th season. From the time David Isaacs and I became head writers we pretty much wrote or re-wrote every script. We had a very small staff.

Most of the stories came from the research that we, and before us, Gene Reynolds and Larry Gelbart conducted with doctors, nurses, and soldiers who served in Korea. Usually we had two, maybe three story lines in every episode that would dovetail and eventually connect with each other.. The plotting was very intricate. And our shooting schedule was so demanding (an entire episode was shot in only three days; today a half-hour single camera show takes five or six days to complete) that we had no time to fix stories once they were on the stage. So we really had to get them right beforehand. On multi-camera shows sometimes you go to the stage with a script that’s still a little undercooked but you figure you have a week of production to shore it up. We had no such luxury.

Once we broke the stories David and I wrote every outline, even for the freelance writers we hired.

We made 25 episodes a year so that’s somewhere between 50-70 stories a season. And by year seven we had pretty much picked the bones of all that research. Plus, we were locked into the time and place. It’s not like other shows where characters can marry, have kids, get new apartments, new jobs. Our conceit was the entire run of the series took place over the span of roughly one year.

So by the end of year seven we had done every hot show, cold show, every visiting general, everyone had slept with everyone else, Klinger had worn every dress, we had done every practical joke, everyone had been caught naked in the shower, every activity had been interrupted by choppers, they raised money for every good charity, they performed every tricky operation, they endured every shortage, and everyone had written four letters home.

And worse for us as writers, the characters no longer surprised us. They were so established that by this time we knew exactly what they would say and how they’d react in every situation. (I can’t explain why exactly, but I never felt that way about CHEERS.)

Anyway, we were a little fried and figured it was time. We were offered a big development deal and pilot commitment from NBC so the timing just felt right.

Looking back, I think we could have squeezed out one more year. But then we’d be in the same situation. The show lasted 3 1/2 seasons after we had left. No way could we have done another 90 episodes without winding up in post op ourselves. Once we left they got smart and expanded the staff and I thought the new regime did a great job.

All that said…MASH was an incredible experience. I can’t tell you how proud I am of the work David and I did on the show. And we are forever grateful to Gene Reynolds, Burt Metcalfe, and Alan Alda for giving a couple of kids in their 20s such an extraordinary opportunity.

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Happy Valentine's Day

Most guys don’t love Valentine’s Day. It’s a holiday designed to trap them. If you’re dating more than one woman, you’re dead. If you get the wrong gift, you’re dead. If the gift is too cheap or too elaborate, you’re dead. If you get her a humorous card with Bush on the front you’re dead (although in that case you deserve to be).

Or worse, they love the gift and card too much. Then you’re REALLY dead.

My problem with Valentine’s Day is that it’s also my birthday. Try going out to a nice celebration dinner when every restaurant is packed (especially on a Saturday night), all the prices are jacked way up, and everyone is trying so hard to create a “romantic atmosphere” that when their date isn’t looking they’re popping Lexapros like Tic Tacs.

Still, not to be a cynic I would like to offer an explanation for what love really is. It comes from that font of romance -- an episode of TAXI (written by Ken Estin).

Louie is trying to win back his girlfriend, Zena. He asks if she loves him. She says she doesn’t know what love is. He tells her she’s in luck because he does. And he’s the only person alive who can say that. He’s read what everyone else says love is and they’re always wrong. She finally asks him what it is, and Louie says:

“Love is the end of happiness!

The end. Because one day all a guy’s got to do to be happy is to watch the Mets. The next day you gotta have Zena in the room watching the Mets with you. You don’t know why. They’re the same Mets, it’s the same room…but you gotta have Zena there.”

That to me expresses more heartfelt love than any bouquet or bling or blowout dinner. Maybe you should change your plans and just get together in her apartment. Especially since I still don't have dinner reservations and would prefer not celebrating my birthday at Taco Bell.

Thank you and happy Valentine’s Day.

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R.I.P. Gary Owens

Every career starts with that first person who believed in you and gave you a chance; who saw potential in you when others didn’t. For me, that person was Gary Owens. He passed away last night. He was 80.  I'm heartsick.

You’re all familiar with him, whether you know it or not. Gary was the cupped-hand announcer on LAUGH IN, the voice of Roger Ramjet, and the voice of thousands of commercials and cartoons. His rich deep voice was distinctive and golden.

But that was just the tip of the iceberg. Gary Owens was also one of the most creative individuals I’ve ever met – wickedly funny, irreverent, absurd, and with impeccable comic timing. He elevated silliness to an art. The voice was just the instrument. He made the music.

I first met Gary in 1969. At the time he was doing afternoon drive on Los Angeles powerhouse radio station, KMPC, starring in the number one show in the country, and doing countless voice overs. I was a lowly sports intern making minimum wage. He took me under his wing. I wrote comedy bits for him and was blown away that he used some of them on the air. The great Gary Owens thought they were good enough. He even, on occasion, let me go on the radio and perform the bits with him.

Without my knowledge, he submitted my material to the producer of LAUGH IN and I was offered a job. (I couldn’t take it because it was full-time, I would lose my student deferment and wind up in Viet Nam, but still, what a mensch.)

In Gary’s autobiography he mentions that he discovered me, and that’s absolutely true. Here he was, an entertainment titan at the top of his game and powers, still making time to mentor a lowly intern. And I wasn’t the only one. Although he won’t admit it, Gary did the same a few years earlier for a kid named Albert Brooks.

Another kid, in Indiana, also was inspired by Gary Owens, and Gary would give of his time to critique the lad's tapes and encourage him. I hope that “kid”, David Letterman, makes some mention of Gary tonight on his show.

But that was Gary -- forever kind, forever helpful and supportive, inspiring by his example.  My guess is he gave hundred of people their start in broadcasting -- maybe more.

If ever it appeared someone led a truly charmed life it was Gary Owens. But in fact, he did not. Gary suffered from diabetes throughout his life. He once said to me that there was never a day where he “felt good.” Imagine what a nightmare that must’ve been. And yet, he handled it with his typical grace and good humor.

Gary Owens is maybe the only person I know in show business who EVERYBODY liked. He had no enemies. None.  Personally and professionally, he was universally loved and respected. The magic voice was a gift; the rest was a conscious choice.

I’m proud to say I was his friend for almost fifty years. Getting together with G.O. was always a treat. No one was a funnier dining companion. He taught me a lot about comedy and more about humility. Gary Owens was a special person. His voice will live on in cartoons, his memory will live on in the hearts of all who knew him.

Thank you, Gary, from the bottom of my heart.  

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