Just in time for the NBA Finals

Key & Peele's spoof of basketball announcers.

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Dick Van Dyke at his very best

When I was a kid growing up the sitcom that influenced me the most was THE DICK VAN DYKE SHOW. I wanted to be a comedy writer after seeing how much fun they all had on that show. Aw, who am I kidding? I wanted Laura Petrie. But comedy writing did seem like a cool profession.

People think of THE DICK VAN DYKE SHOW as a sophisticated comedy and it certainly was. But the show also featured plenty of inspired slapstick. For all his many gifts, Dick Van Dyke is a truly brilliant physical comedian. And Mary Tyler Moore ain't bad either.

Here's a montage from "THE DICK VAN DYKE SHOW REMEMBERED" that aired in 1994. You'll marvel at this.

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Friday Questions

June Friday Questions are busting out all over.

Tobi Gordon is up first.

Will you please explain the fascination of programming everything worth watching on Sunday nights between 9-11:30 pm?

Of course, we can TIVO, tape, OnDemand like crazy, but wouldn't it be better to spread the wealth across the week? They're deliberately abandoning the audience for quality TV 6 days a week.

Sunday is the night that has the largest viewership. It’s the end of the weekend and most people are home gearing up for the week ahead. During the week folks work at night, take classes, hook up with Tinder dates, are in bowling leagues, or drink heavily. Pretty much anything other than go to Tampa Bay Rays home games. So more eyeballs.

And now with DVR’s networks are less inclined to move a powerhouse show out of Sunday because two hits can co-exist nicely.

Networks that have NFL football on Sunday also have the advantage of having a big audience to start with once their primetime lineup begins.

I also think that when HBO scheduled THE SOPRANOS for Sunday night that sort of set the template for quality TV on that night.

blinky asks:

This season on Orphan Black they are doing behind the scenes vignettes DURING the show. The actors break character and they show the sets with green screen backdrops, even playing with the pet scorpion. Imagine Alan Alda and Larry Linville walking around the set on M*A*S*H joking about how the camp is inside a big studio in Century City. Maybe showing how the operating room and shower are right next to each other.  Doesn't this just ruin the illusion of the show?

I think it does, but it depends on the genre and the target viewer. I suspect ORPHAN BLACK’S audience is very media savvy and enjoys a brief lift of the curtain.

Commentary tracks on DVD’s have taken us behind-the-scenes on most of our favorite movies and TV series. So we’re now used to seeing how the magicians do the tricks.

And ORPHAN BLACK is kind of a unique case because you’re always watching on two levels – following the story and marveling at how Tatiana Maslany can play these multiple characters.

cd1515 has a question everyone over 34 asks:

Why are young people "all the nets care about" when most of them have no money?

Because they are still open to choices. At some point people decide on their brand of toothpaste, laundry detergent, gun, etc. But younger people are more open to try new things.

Plus, since movies are geared to them exclusively, the only money studios spend for advertising is to attract those moviegoers who text, talk, and bring babies to the theater.

michael wraps it up.

Question for your baseball and director side. Would you direct a TV telecast of a baseball game different? I feel one of the reasons games seem slow is due to the amount of long static shots and the repetition of shots - pitcher, batter, from behind the pitcher, batter reacts, repeat. I would like to see the entire game - show me the defense, show me less of the players in the dugout and more players on the field communicating, how about showing the third base coach give signs, etc.

I could direct AVATAR 2 before I could direct a live baseball game. Talk about confusing. I’ve been in the truck and watched guys direct baseball games. It’s insane. He has all these camera choices – there’s seven to twenty monitors.

A batter hits the ball. And now all hell breaks lose. Because cameras are following the ball from different angles you look up and on four monitors the ball is going right and on five others it’s going left. Other cameras have runners racing around. You don’t know which runner is which or what base he’s going to. And the director has to call off “Camera four, camera six, camera two” instantly as the action unfolds.

And then there’s instant replays.  I shudder just to think about it. 

What I want to leave you with now is an amazing video. Harry Coyle was maybe the greatest baseball director ever. Watch and listen to him direct an NBC Game of the Week. This was on national TV live. After a couple of minutes there’s a power failure and he must then direct the game with only one camera. Even if you’re not a baseball fan you will be enthralled by this.

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The art of pitching a sitcom

One of the hardest things to do in Hollywood is sell a pitch for a TV series. There’s a real art to it. So much rides on the pitch and it’s a very different skill set from writing. There are some fantastic writers who are terrible in a room and some writers who are Billy Graham in a room but can’t write worth shit.

There are so many ways to botch a pitch that one must tread very carefully. But very confidently.

Time was a writer/producer would have an idea for a show, set up meetings, go in and wing it. Not anymore. Now writers rehearse their pitch. They pitch to their non-writing producers. They pitch to their agents and managers. I’ve even heard of focus groups being called in.

Personally, I think there’s a danger in that. Especially in pitching a sitcom. The pitch can get so rehearsed that you lose the spontaneity of the idea. Producers claim you must come in with detailed character descriptions, and five or six in depth outlines for stories. 

There are several problems with that (as I see it): First off, it’s tedious to listen to. If you’re reading a pitch it’s death. If you’ve memorized a pitch you’ll be reciting it by rote and that’s death.

The truth is a lot of pitches are dead in the first two minutes. And it’s not always your fault. For whatever reason the network doesn’t want to do the area you’re pitching. You can have the world’s greatest pitch for a political-themed sitcom and if the network doesn’t want to do political sitcoms you’re toast. And then the poor network official has to listen to fifteen minutes of your palaver (knowing she’s got seven more pitches on her calendar that day). A year later when your agent calls that network person to set up a new pitch she won’t remember the exact idea you came in with last season, she'll just remember you bored the shit out of her. Not good.

It’s admirable in developing the characters to really get to know them before you pitch, but not so detailed to where things can’t change.

Here’s how my partner, David Isaacs and I approach network pilot pitches. This is for sitcoms. I can’t vouch for how you pitch dramas. I’ve never pitched a drama.  And I'm saying everyone should adopt this approach.  I'm just explaining how and why we do it this way. 

Our pitch is never more than ten minutes. We come in with either a beat sheet of some bullet points we want to mention, or we come in with nothing.   You should know your subject matter well enough that written notes are not a necessity. 

For whatever reason, we never sell pilots at ABC. So we pitch there first. It’s kind of like our rehearsal. We then go to another network, sell the idea, get the show on the air, and ABC calls bitching that we didn’t bring it to them.

We come in enthusiastic. We may do a quick preamble saying there isn’t a show like this and there’s a need. Or the idea stems from something personal in our lives and is very meaningful to us. Note: The more you can personalize your idea, the better. Command of the subject matter goes a long way. Sometimes you can show them how your idea fits in perfectly with what else they’ve got. Telling them you’ve tailored the show just for them is another big plus (whether you actually did or not).

Then pitch your idea in two or three sentences. Pitch it right up front. Don’t spend five minutes giving background. Along with Robin Schiff, here’s how we sold ALMOST PERFECT: “A single girl in her 30’s is struggling to make headway in her career and personal life. And then, on the day she gets the job of her life she meets the guy of her life. And both are full-time jobs.”

Once they lock into the premise, then you can go on to explain the circumstances, the characters, and have four or five thumbnail story areas.

Show the network where the funny is. Explain quickly how the characters relate to each other. Have jokes to accompany the characters or situation. Give prototypes of the characters. “So for the boss picture George Clooney.”

What you want to do is keep their interest up. You want to keep the ball in the air. You want to engage them. You welcome questions. But if the questions are clarifications that’s a sign that you didn’t do an adequate job of preparing the pitch. But if they want to know more about the characters or the story, that’s a good thing. And it's also why you need to be flexible. They may make a good suggestion or something might bump them that you can fix by suggesting a change in the character yourself.  For all the preparation beforehand you need to be able to think on your feet.  Not being locked into anything will aid you in this. 

A big key is keeping things relatable. If you present a situation and the network person says, “Oh my God, that’s me and my brother” you’re generally in.

I find it’s way easier to get a dialogue going when you don’t have a densely prepared presentation. Your pitch becomes a breezy discussion.

Quick note on the jokes: Have them, they’re helpful, but don’t judge the success of the pitch on whether they get laughs. There are some network people who just don’t laugh. Ever. At anything. And they still buy. There are other network people who laugh uproariously and pass. We once sold a pilot the day after 9/11. You can imagine the yucks we got that day. But the idea was solid.

Let's say you make your pitch and they seem receptive -- thank them, get up and leave.  Don't keep pitching.  You can only hurt your chances.  Writers sometimes talk themselves right out of sales. 

Depending on who you pitch to, they may or may not have the authority to buy it in the room.  Most of the time they don't.  So they have to pitch it to someone higher up.  That's another reason why the more concise your pitch the better.   If you can distill the idea down to a couple of clear sentences then so can they (hopefully).  

You don’t have to be a master salesman. But if you truly are enthusiastic and confident that you (a) have a winning idea and (b) will write a great pilot for them should they buy it you can increase your chances tremendously.

This is not to suggest you don’t have to put in hours of development and thought and refinement. But nothing kills a pitch like desperation. Be prepared, know your subject matter, and when it’s time to pitch, have fun. The fun is infectious. It only stands to reason if they had a better time during your pitch than the last six that you’re in better position to make a sale.

Networks will be opening their doors for new pitches in a couple of weeks. Now is the time to prepare yours. It’s showtime! Best of luck. 

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The worst Broadway musical you'll probably love

 In keeping with yesterday's theme -- success can come despite flawed scripts.  And because the Tonys are this Sunday (as if anybody cares)...

If there ever was a bulletproof Broadway show it’s MOTOWN THE MUSICAL. The Motown music is just so remarkable and timeless that you can put it with one of the worst books in the history of Broadway and it will still please. Those are HIT songs.

First off, I should admit I’m a mega-Motown fan. I own the complete collection of Motown singles (all the hits and many misses). I’ve read numerous books on Motown and Berry Gordy. I’ve made the pilgrimage to “Hitsville U.S.A.” and stood in the basement studio where magic was made for over a decade. No one was more geeked-out to see this show than me.

So when I saw that the roadshow was coming to the Pantages Theatre in Hollywood I ran right out and got tickets. Yeah, roadshows rarely have the original casts, but it’s not like you need Hugh Jackman to make this work. Maybe these “Temptations” aren’t as great as the ones from Broadway but so what? Plus, it seemed like everyone in the ensemble played four parts anyway. One guy played Jackie Wilson, Four Top, Contour, Brian Holland, Jackson 5, and Rick James. (In future low budget productions I imagine he’ll also play Supreme and Marvelette.)

Happily, the cast was terrific. They did every song justice – singing and dancing their guts out. I thought Allison Semmes sang Diana Ross songs better than Diana Ross (and she probably didn't sleep with half the ensemble). The production was top notch. Lots of screens and sets flying in and out.

The problem was the book. It was written by Berry Gordy. And from what I understand he refused notes from anybody. Besides being amateurishly written (sample dialogue and klutzy exposition: Berry: “I just quit my job.” His sister who should know this: “You mean from the auto plant?”), it is the most shameless exercise in self-aggrandizement I have ever seen. At least he left out the scenes where he brought peace to the Middle East and discovered a cure for Polio. But by act two even this wildly enthusiastic audience of probably 5,000 was laughing at some of the dialogue. It’s as if Charles Manson wrote a musical and portrayed himself as the Big Lebowski.

According to the musical, Berry Gordy was a loving father-figure to all these artists, a creative genius, a visionary, and his importance to the black community is the same as Joe Lewis’. And all of his artists and song writers betrayed him by leaving for better opportunities. He was “Broadway Danny Savior.” Everything he did, he did for them. If he had a fault it was that he cared too much. Yeah, and the Menendez Brothers deserve a lighter sentence because they're orphans. 

The truth? Not to take anything away from Gordy's enormous accomplishments and contributions to the music industry and popular culture, but he signed his artists to horrible deals. He demanded they signed their contracts as is right there in his office. They were not allowed to consult an attorney. They were not allowed to go out and make a phone call. And he sent them out on roadshows that were torture. Little wonder that when their contracts were up they fled for greener pastures.

The few white characters in the musical are portrayed as racists and money-grubbers. Ed Sullivan is shown in the best light – as a complete buffoon.

But the most cringe-worthy moment is this: He’s having a big fight with Marvin Gaye. At one point Marvin yells at him. “You’re not my father! I have a father!” Um… did anyone else in the audience realize Marvin Gaye’s father shot him to death? I might have dropped that line (not that he took any notes). And then the irony that when Diana Ross wants to leave him he argues she’ll just be surrounded by yes men. She needs someone to say “no.” So do you, Berry!

But none of that seemed to matter. Like I said, the music is so strong and even though the shit is piled high, there ain’t no mountain high enough to spoil that song catalog.

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Logic problems on GILLIGAN'S ISLAND

I’ve often been accused of being a stickler when it comes to scripts. And I’ve gotten even worse since becoming a director. Actors are right to question why they’d order a burger when two weeks ago it was established they were vegan. The burger joke is really funny is not a suitable explanation.

I’ve always felt that the more grounded a show is, the better it is. When viewers throw their hands up and cry “that would never happen” you’ve lost them.

That said, you do need creative license. If things are too real you watch a character drive around the block for twenty minutes before finding a parking space. You watch lawyers waiting six months to go to trial. You watch a doctor on the phone to Medicare for an hour.

But it’s a delicate dance. Even if you take creative license, the stretch must at least be plausible. Someone could find a parking spot in front of the building. A trial date could be sped up. Where you stretch beyond all believability is when you say Medicare is efficient.

However, not all implausible dramatic efforts bomb. In fact, some become wildly successful. FAST AND FURIOUS 7 could not be more stupid and yet it’s made a gazillion dollars at the boxoffice. And I point to one of the most successful sitcoms in television history – GILLIGAN’S ISLAND.

My daughter, Annie, was saying in the INSTANT MOM writing room they got into a discussion about the tiny logic lapses of GILLIGAN’S ISLAND. Think about it:

If they were really going on just a three-hour tour why did they bring luggage?

If they only had fuel to last three hours, how far could they go?

And if they could build elaborate radios out of coconuts, how come they couldn’t fix a hole in the boat?

Now you had to figure, SOMEBODY on the writing staff or one member of the cast brought up these questions. Creator Sherwood Schwartz or someone high-up had to reply: “It doesn’t matter.” And amazingly, it didn’t.

These shows hinge on how willing the audience is to suspend disbelief. In the case of FURIOUS 7, fans just loved all the cool stunts. For GILLIAN it was because… uh, I have no idea. I thought it was idiotic from day one. But enough good will is generated that the public buys these shows despite the gaping holes in logic and laws of physics.

But beware. As a writer that’s a very risky way to go. My recommendation is to err on the side of caution. Oh wait. By that logic, you would bring a suitcase on a three-hour trip. I’m all confused.

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Tony Bennett & Lady Gaga at the Hollywood Bowl

Tony Bennett was performing at the Hollywood Bowl Saturday night with Lady Gaga. So I was able to go see Tony Bennett and still seem hip.

It was a sold out show, and judging by the number of biker chicks in prom dresses I’d say most were there to see Gaga.

Security people were carding everybody trying to get into the wine bar before the show. I told the guy an easier way than asking everyone to produce ID was just to ask who they were there to see. If they said Tony Bennett just let ‘em in.

The Hollywood Bowl is always a scene. There are two classes of ticket holders – those in the boxes up front and the peons who sit on wooden benches used originally during the Inquisition. Folks who sit in the boxes usually try to outdo each other with elaborate picnic dinners. The rabble bring in El Polo Loco.

Every Saturday evening it seems I get twenty Facebook photos from friends in boxes at the Bowl toasting the camera and eating Chilean sea bass. Those of us in the bleachers don’t upload photos. We're trekking back down the hill to rent seat cushions. 

The Hollywood Bowl always features a great summer program featuring several classical series, numerous pop series, and they kick it off with a sunrise service every Easter where Jesus is always scheduled to appear but something invariably comes up and He’s a no-show.

The Bowl’s clamshell stage is iconic, the acoustics are wonderful, but I miss the swimming pool. At one time a swimming pool separated the stage from the box seats. How LA is that? I don’t know why they took it out. Probably a number of drug-addled rock bands of the ‘60s had members who drowned or electrocuted themselves during sound checks.

As for the concert itself, Tony Bennett was amazing considering he is almost 89. Lots of notes he can still hit. And he goes for them, God love him. His phrasing is also so good that he can slide around a song even if he’s struggling with it. And he looks great. I was a little disappointed that he didn’t do his biggest hit – “Capital City” from THE SIMPSONS episode that David Isaacs and I wrote (“Dancin’ Homer”), but he did do “I Left My Heart in San Francisco,” which is still a crowd-pleaser except to diehard Dodger fans. Quite simply: Tony Bennett is a national treasure.

Lady Gaga has an exceptional voice and showed off some impressive vocal gymnastics, although honestly, this music is not in her wheelhouse. No, it’s not like when Pat Boone tried to sing punk rock, but I still felt she was not in her element. Had she sung a few of her own hits I wonder how many Tony Bennett fans would just turn off their hearing aids.

Her wardrobe was vintage Gaga. No meat dress however.  It hadn't thawed out in time.  A couple of gowns were see-through though. Somehow I can’t picture Ella Fitzgerald or Barbra Streisand wearing those. Cher, the gauntlet has been thrown!

All in all, it was a lovely night under the stars. I’ll now be able to tell friends I saw Lady Gaga, and Lady Gaga fans will be able to brag to their friends that they saw “Some old guy.”

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