How I make my final Emmy decisions

We’re in the final round of Emmy voting. As a proud TV Academy Member I have some very difficult choices to make. Forget all the snubs, there are so many worthy nominees that my head is starting to explode.

So how to decide?

I could watch all of the shows. Most are available on line. But Jesus, that takes forever. And then I’ll have more factors swimming around in my head. He was surprisingly compelling here. Once I gave this show twelve episodes I really got into it. Ugh! Excedrin Headache 2015. 

There has to be a better way.

Well, there is.

I just get in my car, drive around Los Angeles, and look for billboards. After all, only the BEST shows and actors get billboards, right? If I’m on the fence and see a “For Your Consideration” billboard for one of the candidates, that clearly tips it.

I applaud the studios and networks. They must spend hundreds of thousands of dollars on billboards but it’s certainly money well spent.

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been on Ventura and come across a fellow Emmy voter cruising the boulevard doing the same thing. We usually give each other a “thumbs up,” knowing that we’re the smart ones.

Oh, it’s not a perfect system. Gas prices have gone up lately. And I got stuck in traffic in Culver City once. That was a nightmare. But anything worth doing is worth doing right.

And my heart goes out to the studios. Not only do they have to worry about time slots, they now must contend with street locations. If Elisabeth Moss loses for MAD MEN it can only be because her billboard was in West Covina (and maybe the fact that her name isn’t even listed on the billboard).

The Emmys are September 20th. I’ll be reviewing them. And I’ll be driving to San Pedro tonight. It’s important I make the most informed choices.

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One of my writing pet peeves

This is a re-post from four years ago, but the condition still exists.

I saw MIDNIGHT IN PARIS, which I liked but didn’t love (even if all the critics tell me I'm supposed to love it). There were some nice moments in it, I enjoyed the fantasy aspects but ultimately thought it would have made a better Woody Allen short story. (If you’re not familiar with his collection of short stories, treat yourself. They’re hilarious and wildly imaginative. Get Without Feathers or Getting Even.) But I digress as usual…

One aspect of MIDNIGHT IN PARIS really bothered me -- all the wasted dialogue. Woody Allen isn't the only culprit, I see it in other movies and shows too. And it's just a personal pet peeve. But if you’re a young writer-hopeful (I like that term so much better than wannabe. Wannabe sounds like an Indian Guides troop.), you might want to give this rant some consideration.

You only have a certain amount of time to tell a story. Every word needs to count. In MIDNIGHT IN PARIS (warning: scene spoiler alert but it won't effect your enjoyment of the movie), there's a potentially funny sequence when Owen Wilson (picture Woody Allen but young and Gentile) is trapped in a hotel room with earrings he took from his fiancé (for a reason I won't divulge). On FRASIER we would do this type of scene every other week. And it would be packed with funny lines, whopper lies, great reactions. I'm sure Neil Simon, if given the same comic premise, would do the same.

But not here. Here the scene is filled with,

"My earrings are gone!"

"Really? You sure?"

"Yes!"

"Did you check everywhere?"

"Yes. They're missing."

"Really?" Did you even bring them?"

"Yes I brought them."

"I don't know that you did".

"I did."

“I don’t remember seeing them.”

“I brought them. I saw them this morning.”

“You did?”

“Yes.”

You get the point.

Sorry but to me that's just lazy writing. You may say, "well, that's the way people talk.". And I would say absolutely -- but it's not interesting. It's sure not funny and this is a block comedy scene. As a writer it's your job to do better. Anyone can write the exchange I presented above. Your job is to make it funnier or more compelling or more thought-provoking or…more whatever.

Can people stammer? Sure. Do they talk ungrammatically? Every sentence. They also hedge and hem and haw and talk in circles. And you can use those qualities and still be engrossing. I refer you to any David Mamet play. Naturalistic dialogue doesn't have to be boring. But it takes skill to make it sing. At least attempt to do that.

Some would say that promotes dialogue that is too stylized. And often times they're right. Just as bad as boring conversation is the "no human being would ever say that" charge. But I'd rather err on the side of style, on the side of trying too hard rather than not enough.

I can hear some of you now. What about Aaron Sorkin? He uses a lot of short sentences and characters repeating other characters’ lines. What about him? I know. I’ve even spoofed him myself. But there is a definite flow to Sorkin’s dialogue. There’s a rhythm. Everything is carefully designed. It’s not just idle chit-chat, it’s lyrics.

I'll stop just short of saying you're making art because that always sounds incredibly pretentious so I'll just say you’re making diversions worthy of our time and even our money. Make every word count.

Maybe Woody should have traveled back to Paris in the 1920s – and spent more time with Hemingway.

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Snap, Crackle, Pop, Good Morning

Not often you hear the Rolling Stones sing a jingle.  But here are Mick and the boys for Rice Krispies.   Maybe it should be SNAP, CRACK, SNORT.

Or  SNAP, CRACKLE, OW!  Here's TV's "Walter White" for Preparation H...

And if we're doing celebrity commercials, how can I not feature you-know-who?

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Congratulations to Annie & Jon

Let me put on my proud father hat for a moment.  My daughter Annie and her writing partner Jonathan Emerson just announced their engagement.   If they can write comedy together without killing each other then marriage should be a breeze.   Congratulations.  I love you both.

Friday Questions below.

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Friday Questions

TGIFriday Questions (and the second Natalie photo of the week):

David P is up first.

Have you ever considered posting pictures of Bebe Neuwirth on occasion instead of (or in addition to) pictures of Natalie Wood?

No.

From Steve B:

Ken, I was wondering about your process for writing your DVD spec. How long total did it take to write, and how much time did you devote to breaking the story and writing the actual script? Plus, when was the last previous TV spec script you wrote, and how did it feel to be writing another one?

It’s hard to say because I worked on it while writing other things (like this blog). But it probably took four or five days of breaking the story, another day to write the outline, four or five days to write the draft, a couple of days to let it sit, then another day to polish. And I’m sure if I didn’t play Tetris I  could have shaved at least two days off the process.

I actually write a lot on spec – mostly plays these days. But the last time I wrote a spec episode for an existing show I believe Chester A. Arthur was president.

Dan Ball asks:

Have you ever done below-the-writer's-line work on a show where you were actually pushing buttons, adjusting dimmers, editing a sequence (film or video, linear or non-linear editing), adjusting a fresnel light, creating a graphic, or white-balancing a camera? Don't you step on union toes doing that? I just didn't know if you ever found yourself learning or having to do those things or if you'd be shot dead for it by the unions.

Unions do take a somewhat dim view of that. So no, I’ve never adjusted a light or got an actress into her wardrobe. The truth is, all of these crew members do a much better job at any of these tasks than I ever could. I’m forever amazed at how remarkable these dedicated men and women are. Plus, I need to call in a guy at home to change a lightbulb.

But there have been a few instances where I have dabbled in areas below-the-line. As a showrunner, I involve myself heavily in editing, but only to sit with the editor and give notes. I never touch a button.

There was an episode of ALMOST PERFECT where we needed an offstage couple to loudly make love. The couple we used on the stage weren’t very good so in post fellow showrunner Robin Schiff and I did the scene. We were quite good if I say so myself.

And on a SIMPSONS episode that David Isaacs and I wrote, I drafted the character design for the Capitol City Goofball. That was very cool. As an amateur cartoonist, I had never created a cartoon character before (or since).

powers wonders:

I enjoy watching Jack Webb's 60s Dragnet TV series. Having read a book about Jack & all of his productions I see that he insisted that a teleprompter be used on his Dragnet show.

Did you ever resort to utilizing a teleprompter on any show you worked on? Do shows today utilize teleprompters at all? What are your thoughts on using them?

For a scripted show I wouldn’t allow it for one second. Actors need to be in the moment and need to relate to each other. They also need sufficient rehearsal time to find the best performance. You can’t do any of that with teleprompters.

Do any current scripted shows employ teleprompters? I honestly don’t know but would be surprised if one does.

Jack Webb was very lazy. He cut as many corners as he could in the production of his shows. He liked to be done shooting by 4:30 every day.

You’ll notice that he and Harry Morgan wore the exact same suits every single episode? That way he was able to shoot stock footage of them going in and out of the police station and other buildings only once. He could use the same footage every week.

The irony is that Harry Morgan could read a page of dialogue once and have it memorized. If there was any actor who never needed a teleprompter it was Harry.

Unknown has a question following my post on Bob Crane.

Living in the Midwest, I didn't know Mr. Crane did radio, and how good he was. Who do you like now? I know everything is corporate now, but anyone up and coming?

The only one I can think of is John Phillips on KABC. Whip smart, funny, and very versatile. He’ll be a national personality very soon, I have no doubt. And I don’t agree with him politically. But he’s a great personality.  There's a young sportscaster for Westwood One and ESPN named Jason Benetti who is also terrific. 

Otherwise, as you said, talent is no longer being groomed. Three or four major companies own 90% of the radio stations and are working overtime to kill and bury the industry. I frankly don’t know why a young creative person would even want to get into radio these days. That’s like wanting to be a typewriter repairman.

What’s your Friday Question?

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Join me and Kevin Smith on a podcast

I was the guest on Kevin Smith & Matt Mira's podcast.   It was great fun.  I got to gas off about myself and swear for 90 minutes!   A narcissist's dream.   Here's where you can go to hear it.  Thanks again to Kevin and Matt for having me on and hopefully you will still have an audience next week.  

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Watch one of our unsold pilots!

For many years the major networks would air their unsold pilots during the summer. The industry nickname for this practice was FAILURE THEATER. But it used to be great fun to watch the pilots that didn’t get series orders. Some were better than what got on, and a few were jaw-droppingly atrocious.

Today my blog reprises this summer programming highlight with a pilot David Isaacs and I wrote called UNDER ANDREA.

We adapted it earlier this summer for THE DEAD PILOTS SOCIETY at the Whitefire Theatre in Studio City, California. These were three passed over TV pilots adapted for the stage. It was a great experience. Everyone associated with this first-rate 99-seat theatre was terrific.

I was very fortunate that my friends Kevin Gershan and Rob Phillips graciously taped one of the performances. Obviously this is not broadcast quality (it’s not FOR broadcast) and the cameras were placed in locations that wouldn’t obstruct the audience’s view. Still, you’ll get a good idea of what went on there.

Briefly, UNDER ANDREA is about three ambitious young assistants who go to work for a sleek Devil Wears Prada-type woman who controls a magazine empire. It was originally developed for Fox in 2003 and NBC in 2005. For more background on the pilot and process please go here.

The cast is: Jules Wilcox (Andrea), Suzanne Mayes (Jill), Jack Zullo (Walter), Sterling Sulieman (Ernie), Paul Lauden (Neil), Paul Culos (Bugeater), Julie Meyer (Lana), and David Svengalis (Eric). I directed it.

Now, you’ll notice there are no comments today. That’s by design. It’s one thing when I post a script and the trolls come after me, but there are actors involved here who generously gave of their time and talent to be in this production. They don’t need to be critiqued. So for today only, I’m not seeking feedback. Thanks for understanding.

Hope you enjoy it. Here, for the first time is UNDER ANDREA. MY NAME IS EARL will return next week in its normal slot.

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