Summer Movies Preview 3

Part 2 was yesterday.  Part 1 on Monday.  Today I wrap up my annual look of what will be going on in the background while people text:  


THE BLING RING -- Emma Watson in a true story about teenagers who rip off stars like Lindsey Lohan. Wouldn’t it be great if Emily was caught and then had to share the same cell as Lindsey? Now that movie I’d see.

THE INTERNSHIP – Vince Vaughn re-teams with Owen Wilson.  This time they try to crash Google.

EVACATEUR – Documentary on original shock talk show host. Will do okay the first weekend then nothing. That’s because the kids will get wise that it’s about Morton Downey Jr. not Robert Downey Jr.

RAPTURE-PALOOZA – Tagline: Satan wants to marry Anna Kendrick. Does Ari Emanuel make his film debut?

VEHICLE 19 – A guy drives away in a rental car with a woman bound in the truck. Big deal. That comes standard in every Alamo rental.

PACIFIC RIM – If you read that title and thought it was probably a movie abut World War II, you’re not the intended audience. Sci-Fi blockbuster. Robots, explosions, and everything else the 54 other end-of-the-world movies coming out this year feature. I’ll bet there are even some burned out old Impalas somewhere.

GIRL MOST LIKELY – Kristen Wiig stages a suicide to win back a boyfriend. I guess she’s never heard of oral sex.

THE WOLVERINE – Hugh Jackman reprises his steel fanged Marvel comic character. In this one he tries to put in a contact lens.

FAST & FURIOUS 6 – The ultimate challenge: street racing through a farmers’ markets.

TWENTY FEET FROM STARDOM – documentary on backup singers. I’m singing “yeah yeah yeah” with this one.

COCKNEYS VS. ZOMBIES – Isn’t this every NYU film student’s spec screenplay?

THE HEAT – Melissa McCarthy and Sandra Bullock in a buddy yuckfest. Sandra has shown she’s adept at comedy and Melissa is very funny when not in MIKE & MOLLY.

WHITE HOUSE DOWN – What is it this time? Terrorists? Aliens? Termites? Whatever. We’ve seen it.

TURBO – Animated film starring Ryan Reynolds. He can’t open a movie to save his life, but maybe his voice can.

ELYSIUM – Matt Damon’s entry in the Sci-Fi/ End-of-the-world/ burned out old Impalas summer sweepstakes. How do we know the future won’t be like THE JETSONS?

WE’RE THE MILLERS – Jason Sudeikis and Jennifer Aniston pose as a family trying to smuggle marijuana across the Mexican border – and let me guess, eventually they do become a family? Oh well, at least Barbra Streisand's not in it.

THE TO-DO LIST – Star Aubrey Plaza's to-do list is try to play a different character than the one she plays on PARKS AND RECREATIONS and every other project.

See ya at the movies!  Maybe.