THE LONE RANGER – Johnny Depp as Tonto. I guess it’s still politically okay to be in white face.
SMURFS 2 – They’re blue, they’re back, and they’re pissed!
DESPICABLE ME 2 – They’re pink, they’re back, and they’re pissed!
RED 2 – They’re red, they’re back, and they’re pissed!
2 GUNS – When they make a sequel will it be called 2 GUNS 2? Stars Denzel Washington, which is enough to get me and every woman in the world in the theater.
GROWN UPS 2 – Sequel of maybe the worst movie in the last ten years. I’d see FROM JUSTIN TO KELLY again on a loop before sitting through this.
KICK ASS 2 – There was a KICK ASS 1?
300: RISE OF AN EMPIRE – Sequel to 300, but since most of those characters died this is parallel story. New characters will die.
ONLY GOD FORGIVES – Ryan Gosling. I don’t think even the Heavenly Father will let him off the hook for GANGSTER SQUAD.
R.I.P.D. – Ryan Reynolds and Jeff Bridges are dead lawmen who come back to life kill bad guys although what's the point of killing people when they can come back to life? There is an NCIS spin-off out there with Ryan's name on it.
BLUE JASMINE – Woody Allen’s once made movies. Now he makes travelogues. This one is set in San Francisco. Some filmmakers do it for the art, others for the money, Woody does it for the Hilton Honor Points.
DEALIN’ WITH IDIOTS – Jeff Garlin encountering the parents of young baseball players. The title might be too generous.
STRANDED – Christian Slater is an astronaut stuck on the moon. This is why you need Lexus roadside service.
PLANES – Disney animation. CARS with airsick bags.
LOVELACE – Amanda Seyfried as ‘70s pornstar Linda Lovelace. I hope Amanda’s throat is more suited for this than singing.
The conclusion tomorrow:
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