Only in LA

This is going to sound like a spoof but it’s not. It’s REAL. And it’s soooo very LA. There’s a coffee house in Santa Monica called Funnel Mill that sells a certain cup of coffee for $80 a cup.  And you can only get it by appointment.

“Oh, come on!” you’re saying. “Even in a town that boasts a coroner’s gift shop, no one would pay $80 for one cup of coffee.”

Well, they do. By appointment only.

And it gets better. What makes this coffee so special? Again, I swear to you this is true:

The coffee is called Kopi Luwak. It’s made in Sumatra with the help of an animal, the Luwak, which looks like a cross between a raccoon and a pig. The Luwak eats coffee cherries off a tree—bean and all. The beans are fermented as they pass through the Luwak’s digestive tract. Then he shits them out and they get harvested, cleaned, roasted, ground, and made available for any Kardashian or Laker.

Who was the first person I wonder, who saw a steaming load of Luwak shit and thought, “Hey, I bet if we processed this we could make great coffee?” His friends must've thought he was crazy for sure. “Who would buy such a ridiculous thing?” And then one enterprising farmer caught an episode of REAL HOUSEWIVES OF BEVERLY HILLS and said, “Eureka! We’re all going to be rich! We can charge $80 for what is essentially a FEAR FACTOR stunt!”

If this designer coffee catches on, pig farmers all over the world will be feeding their flock grapes hoping they’ll shit out a hearty Chablis. Or cola beans – COKE CAKA.

And the slogan possibilities are endless. “Good till the last plop.” I’m sure the TWO AND A HALF MEN staff could come up with fifty more in like twelve seconds.

I will not be paying $80 for one cup of coffee no matter how good it is. I don’t care if this is Los Angeles and status and exclusivity are everything. I personally find it incredibly self-indulgent and downright irresponsible to spend more on coffee than Botox. Someone has to show a little common sense.