You football fans know about this thing called television, right?

Today is the NFC and AFC Championship Games. I must say I’m very disappointed this year. Not by which teams are competing – both games feature a great match-up – but by the fact that neither game will be played in a blizzard or monsoon. What the fuck? In Seattle game time temperature should be around 50. That’s summer weather up there. Sure there may be rain, but who in Seattle will even notice?

And the situation in Denver is even worse. It may hit 60 degrees. Will there at least be heavy winds? No. Light winds are predicted. Why even bother to play in Denver in January?

Let’s face it – football is best played in hellish arctic conditions. The more important the game; the worse should be the weather. If ever there was an argument FOR Global Warning it would be the NFL Playoffs.

Yep, there’s nothing more fun than watching an ice bowl or snowstorm… on television. Sitting in your nice warm living room, beer and snacks at your fingertips, a fire roaring, the bathroom only feet away, and the game in high def on a giant flatscreen. The yellow line, replays, close ups, field reporters, coverage from every angle – that’s football.

What’s that you say? GOING to a game? Actually being a part of it? Being on hand to witness possible greatness?

Are you fucking nut?

It’s on TELEVISION.  You football fans know that, right?   You can see it free. From your house. In living color. Better and closer and… drier. It’s a beautiful thing, this television. You don’t get frostbite. You’re not stuck in massive traffic jams with 50,000 other people who have been drinking heavily for five hours. You don’t get pneumonia, you don’t get trench foot, you don’t get hypothermia. The worst you can say is that you’re subjected to promos for DADS, but otherwise television is a pretty spectacular option.

So I’ll be watching today, but it won’t be as much fun. Mother Nature can be really cruel when she wants to be.