Uh... no. But someone who is a whiz with Photoshop would have you believe it. Friend of the blog, Johnny Walker is the whiz responsible. Thanks, Johnny.
Thứ Bảy, 7 tháng 6, 2014
Thứ Sáu, 6 tháng 6, 2014
Friday Questions
Brian starts us off:
I believe you wrote the Cheers episode "The Last Angry Mailman" in which Cliff handcuffs himself in the house because he doesn't want to sell it. When Norm cuts a post with a chainsaw to free him, the house comes crashing down. Can you describe how the crash was orchestrated? Was it in front of a live audience? Was it done in one take? It looked huge, loud and messy!
It was done in one take and it was done in front of the live studio audience. It helps to have Jim Burrows as your director. All the debris was above the stage and a trap door released it. Numerous tests were made the night before, and I believe a dry run was filmed just for protection. But what you saw on the air was what the audience saw. It was huge and messy. And funny.
The key to doing a stunt in front of a live audience is to make it the last thing you shoot that night.
From Name encoded in binary somewhere in the infinite progression of Pi:
This brings up a question I've always had about your continued participation in sho bidness. You are rather candid in this blog about your feelings on a variety of topics and people (e.g., the suits and their counterproductive interference). Do you suffer much fallout from that?
Well, it helps that I’m not out trying to pitch pilots to NBC I guess, but in all of my rants or commentaries I try to be fair and objective. Yes, I criticize, but I also praise. And I also try to explain my reasoning.
Additionally, I try to be honest about my own work and shortcomings. I’ve shared many of my stupid mistakes. Hopefully you can avoid them.
My objective is to see better television shows and movies. I’m not looking to create controversy or make enemies.
But I have to have credibility. When I like something or recommend something, it means nothing if I've never disliked anything. Otherwise, I'm just Jeffrey Lyons.
If I’m biased at all, it’s in favor of writers and giving them more creative freedom. But I’ve made no secret about that.
Otherwise, I have no personal vendetta or agenda. There are a number of "suits" who are close friends of mine, even after my rants.
As for any backlash, I don’t know. Maybe. I suspect the writing staffs of 2 BROKE GIRLS and HAWAII 5-0 hate me. But again, I'm just giving my opinion. And you know what they say – opinions are like a-holes…
The Bumble Bee Pendant wants to know:
Technology has changed things and now you can get a sense or a pulse of the show's audience expectations and tone. When you or your daughter, Annie are involved in a show (even for just one episode), do you read the TV blog reviews and critiques in order to gauge what the audiences likes or dislikes? Realistically, wouldn't these be better notes than from the folks in Production?
In the same way that I always check out readers’ comments on this blog, I would certainly scan the net to see how people responded to a show I was involved in.
But I am always mindful that this input represents just a very small portion of the audience. And included in that sliver of vocal viewers are idiot trolls. (They usually go by the name Anonymous.)
Still, you can get an overall sense of whether the audience appreciated what they saw or were turned off by it. I know some producers claim they never read internet feedback. I think they do so at their own peril. I don’t make shows just for “me.” I make them hoping to affect an audience. If I’m falling short I want to know about it so I can do something to correct it.
And finally: from Michael:
Did you have a Plan B if you and David were not successful breaking into the writing business? Do you think you would continued working as a DJ indefinitely?
I probably would have pursued baseball announcing earlier. I can’t imagine being a lifelong disc jockey. I was 24 and already disillusioned. Of course, getting fired every couple of months, moving all over the country, and playing the same nine records every night for pennies also had something to do with my disenchantment. I think I'm still paying off apartment deposits.
The only way I envisioned a long term disc jockey career was if I could have become a top rated morning man in a major market. There was a period when those guys made ballplayer money. Who knows? I could have been the King of all Media in Cleveland.
My other radio aspiration was to program stations. That’s something still on my bucket list, but alas, the kind of fun radio I would want to do is no longer in favor in today’s corporate landscape. So I'm guessing that will never happen.
I could have also seen myself as a cartoonist. The only catch there is that I’d probably starve.
Thanks for all your questions. Keep ‘em coming in the comments section.
Thứ Năm, 5 tháng 6, 2014
Wait a minute. Is that idiot back?
Yesterday I wrote about a radio prank I pulled. And that reminded me of another one. This one was the brainchild of the great (Hall of Fame) baseball announcer, Jon Miller. In addition to everything else, he has a wicked sense of humor.
Jon and I broadcast Baltimore Orioles baseball in 1991. The following year I moved on to the Seattle Mariners. Less humidity. We came into Baltimore the play the O’s in mid May. Jon asked what innings I called for the M’s. The 3rd, 6th, and 7th. He said, would I mind coming over and doing the 4th inning of the Orioles broadcast? I said I’d be delighted to.
But there was a catch.
Jon said, "Let’s do it as if you’ve always been here." We'd make no acknowledgement that I was just guesting. I of course, was all too happy to play along. This is the kind of wacky shit Jon and I would do when we were partners.
So when it came time for my triumphant return, Jon opened the mic and said, “Let’s go to the 4th and here’s Ken.” “Thank you, Jon,” I said and then just started calling the play-by-play. I read the Esskay Out-of-town scoreboard as I always did, paused for station identification on the "Baltimore Orioles Radio Network", talked about how much I was looking forward to the upcoming series with the Yankees, commented that the Orioles pitcher looked much sharper than the last few times I saw him pitch, etc. When the next inning began I said, “On to the 5th, and once again here’s Jon.” “Thanks, Ken” he said and that was it. Nothing was ever mentioned.
Apparently the phones at the station went crazy. People were completely confused. Was I still there? What happened to the new guy? Was I back? Did they hear this correctly? Jon and I got a good laugh out of it, although I wonder how many irate people were calling to say, “I thought we had gotten rid of that guy!”
I must say, I did get my payback though. Later that game, when I was back doing the Mariners' broadcast I paused for station identification on the "Baltimore Orioles Radio Network." Oops.
Thứ Tư, 4 tháng 6, 2014
One of my radio pranks
And then, a few years ago, I did traffic reports.
At this point, let me pause and say part of the fun of radio is pulling pranks – either on other jocks, other stations, or the listeners. But for the most part these are done in small markets. There is too much money involved and too much scrutiny to be pulling shit on major stations in Los Angeles, New York, and Boca. If you get fired in Modesto you can probably find a comparable job. If you get canned in Chicago that’s a different story. Of course, I never adhered by that rule. Just this weekend I shared a prank I pulled once in San Francisco. Gee, and you wonder why I got fired from so many stations. Okay, back to today’s post, but this paragraph will tie in.
From 2008-2010 you might remember I co-hosted Dodger Talk with Josh Suchon on KABC, Los Angeles. It was a fun gig and I only left to do play-by-play for the Mariners. In 2009, one of the salesmen at KABC sold a nightly traffic report to be done during each Dodger pre-game show. Traffic reports are big deals in LA where everyone commutes by car (despite the subway system that no one knows about and rarely goes anywhere anyone would want to go). Stations in LA boast “Traffic on the 2’s”, “Traffic on the 4’s”, “Traffic on the 8’s.” Some stations have helicopters. Smarter ones have helicopter sound effects.
So KABC sells a traffic report in the Dodger pre-game show, but who’s going to do it? The Dodgers announcers sure aren’t. I’d like to see the salesman who asks Vin Scully if he wouldn’t mind reporting on fender benders. Since I hosted Dodger Talk after the game they thought, why not dump it on Ken? I graciously declined. They said they’d pay me double my salary. I graciously accepted.
How do you do traffic reports? There are websites you log onto that have the latest traffic info for every major city. I’d log on, enter my password, click “Los Angeles” and cut and paste the most pressing traffic slowdowns. I asked the salesman how long the report should be and he said, “I don’t care. A minute. Forty-five seconds. Whatever. All I give a shit about is that you read the Sprint commercial at the end of it.”
So that’s what I did. It took maybe five minutes to prepare and a minute to deliver. I was usually reporting from the “Massive high-tech space age KABC traffic center sequestered in a secret location.”
Doing this was no problem during home games because I was at the stadium, but when the team was on the road and I wasn’t traveling, I’d have to go to the station to do them. I wanted to record a week’s worth at once and just air them over the course of seven days but that idea didn’t go over very well.
I opened the report by saying, “If you’re going to the Dodger game tonight, there’s a fifteen minute delay on the Golden Gate Bridge, the 880-Nimitz in the east bay reports slow and go from Concord…”
I just gave the San Francisco traffic report. Super straight, as if this were a San Francisco station. And I tagged it with the Sprint commercial.
Howard came into the booth hysterical. Now we waited to see how many phone calls we got. This was 6:45 in the evening, during the peak afternoon commute.
So how many did we get? I bet you’re ahead of me. That’s right. None. Not a single one. Zero. The big goose egg. No one from the station ever called me. No one from the Dodgers. Nothing.
The following year there was no traffic. I hope Sprint took that money and used it to buy another repeater tower.
Thứ Ba, 3 tháng 6, 2014
Rants, raves, and an RIP
A recent poll listed Donald Sterling as the current most hated man in America, although if last weekend’s boxoffice tally is any indication, Seth MacFarlane may have that distinction.
Typical review: “There are A MILLION WAYS TO DIE IN THE WEST. I didn’t know boredom was one of them.” That was actually a kind review.
MacFarlane also wrote it. Example of the hilarity (and I kid you not): Neil Patrick Harris defecates into hats for two minutes. Wow. Set a place at the Algonquin Round Table for this first-class wit.
This is election day in LA, which means for the last 72 hours our phone has been ringing off the hook with robo-calls plugging candidates. At least for big elections we get Clint Eastwood and Sally Field calling. For this we get local city officials. Why would an endorsement from someone I don’t know sway me to vote for a candidate I also don’t know?
The end result is I haven’t answered my phone in three days. I hope no relatives called from jail expecting me to bail them out.
Wow, these bandwagon seats are comfortable. Go L.A. Kings. Game 7 of the Western Conference Finals got a 4.8 share in Los Angeles and a 22.7 in Chicago. That’s staggering to me – that the LA share could be that high.
The best part of the Stanley Cup Finals is the spectacular Doc Emrick calling them. Oh… and the Kings. Go Kings.
By the way, Seattle Mariner fans -- one of the characters Tatiana plays is named Cosima NIEHAUS. I wouldn't be surprised if it's a tribute to Dave. (I knew there's a reason she's my favorite clone.)
Tonight is Hello Kitty Mini Bobblehead Night at Dodger Stadium. What does it say about how popular their big stars are when fans would rather get a Hello Kitty bobblehead than a current player? And not even a full-size one.
Huffington Post Headline: Lena Dunham’s Dog Bit Her ‘On The Ass.’ Which means we’ll all get to see the teeth marks on future GIRLS episodes.
This mystery man who calls himself @HiddenCash stuffed 36 Angry Bird toys with money and hid them in Hermosa Beach, thus causing a frenzy of scavengers racing around trying to find them. This is reminiscent of old radio contests in the ‘50s and ‘60s (since banned by the FCC). The station would say they buried a gold key worth thousands of dollars and would then give clues as to its whereabouts. The trouble is people were then digging everywhere and the entire city would look like Berlin after World War II.
KHJ radio in 1970 had a contest where a disc jockey (the Real Don Steele) was in a mobile unit announcing where he would be to give away free money. A listener en route got into an accident and died. His family sued Steele and KHJ. (They won.) But this is a famous case that is taught in most law schools. Yes, the Real Don Steele is discussed at Harvard Law.
If you get a chance, the Don Rickles tribute on Spike (of all places) was loaded with laughs. Funniest speakers of the night (besides Mr. Warmth himself): Tina Fey & Amy Poehler and Robert DeNiro & Martin Scorsese. Least funny: David Letterman. It’s time, Dave. When Regis Philbin in funnier than you – it’s really time.
I would assume they’ll replay it. What else does Spike have?
The Tony Awards are Sunday, but of course you knew that.
Huffington Post Headline: Lea Michele Started Drinking As A Toddler. I smell a Pulitzer for journalism...
Fellow 24 watchers – can you understand anything Kiefer Sutherland whispers? Half the show I’m going “What?”
We had a small earthquake in LA Sunday night. At one time the first thing you did was take cover. Now you post on Facebook, and then (only if there’s still time), you flee for cover.
The Milwaukee Brewers and Toronto Blue Jays – who knew???
Jeff Zucker is doing another bang-up job. The man who irreparably destroyed NBC is now working his magic on CNN. Last Friday night’s 10 pm ratings were the worst in 14 years. In adults 25-54 they scored a paltry 35,000. There are days this blog does better than that. Here’s an idea: Let Jeff Zucker run Russia.
I guess I should vote. It’s hard to tell the local candidates from the Tony nominees.
Thứ Hai, 2 tháng 6, 2014
An invaluable writing tool
You know how auto manufacturers test new models for safety features? They purposely drive cars into walls at high speeds to measure the impact. In a reading, your play is the crash dummy. You want to see if it lives. And you hope the car it’s sitting in is a Volvo XC90 with a reinforced safety cage and not Hyundai Elantra.
Since it’s only a reading, there are a lot of things you won’t learn. Much of your play may depend upon action, body language, lighting, music, costumes, props, theatricality. But a lot of major strengths and weaknesses of your play can be revealed even with actors just sitting on chairs reading from their scripts. Does your story work? Are the characters coming to life the way you envisioned them? Are scenes too long? Too short? Does the dialogue sound natural? If it’s a comedy, are jokes landing?
Depending on the quality of your cast, you may have to determine if something didn’t work because of the performance or your writing. Or the air conditioner going out. Or the sound being bad. Or action being required to sell this moment. Or lack of sufficient rehearsal. Or the pace was wrong. Or the audience was not the target for that subject matter. I can’t see David Mamet trying out GLENGARY GLEN ROSS for an audience of church elders.
In my case, I learned a lot. There are several places that need work. It’s amazing that stuff you absolutely loved you can’t wait to take out once you’ve heard it. But it’s the process. Things get better when you rewrite. And as opposed to just addressing notes from friends and colleagues based on their reading the script – notes that can vary wildly and you have no way of knowing which is right -- it’s so much more empowering diving in once you’ve actually heard it.
I feel invigorated after the reading. Yes, there are issues to address but I have a much greater sense of just what I have and what I still need. Happily, my crash dummy lived.
One trap with a comedy, especially early on, is to place too much importance on jokes that worked. More important is the story, the theme, and tracking the emotions and attitudes of the characters. Sometimes, for the good of the piece, you might have to take out some big laughs. And yes, I know – it kills you. But here’s the thing: when scenes work better the jokes play better. Jokes that played meh suddenly get big laughs because the scene now clicks. Unless your play is just a balls-out comedy farce, don’t judge your reading based on the number of laughs you got.
Did the audience respond to your characters? Did they care about their dilemmas? Were they engaged?
I also recommend a talk-back with the audience after the reading. This is like taking the place of the crash dummy in a safety test, but you’ll learn more about what the audience perceived by asked them instead of just trying to judge their reactions as the play was unfolding. Here again, I got lucky. My talk-back was moderated by someone who has been doing this for years. She asked me good questions, got the audience involved, and had specific ground rules. People were not allowed to rewrite the play. They could share what they liked and didn’t, but once someone says “I think the boyfriend should be a homeless guy instead of the president of GM,” ten more people will suggest ten more different second acts. Playwrights are looking for clarity. Sessions like that can totally befuddle them. And this isn’t to say other people might not have good suggestions or story fixes, but you want to handpick whose advice to seek. You want to go to folks you trust.
So now it’s time for me to get back to work. My sincere thanks to Alan Simpson and Sara Lukawiewicz for great performances (if only there were play reading awards…), and to Alan Naggar and "The Writers' Group" for sponsoring the event. The crash dummy thanks you all too.
Chủ Nhật, 1 tháng 6, 2014
Back in the days when radio was fun
The best career choice I ever made was getting out of radio and into television writing. Well... actually it was all the radio stations that fired me that helped nudge me in that direction. But in between my long stretches of unemployment and pleading for all-night shifts in Fresno I did have a lot of fun... and compiled a lot of stories.Like...
There once was a time when Clear Channel didn’t own every radio station in America. There used to be such a thing as “competition” (an arcane word you may have to look up i
n the dictionary). In the mid 70’s in San Francisco there was quite a battle raging between KFRC and KYA. I was a disc jockey at KYA at the time (as Beaver Cleaver), working the coveted 10 pm – 2 am shift. Across town, KFRC countered with Beau Weaver (pictured). Despite this “heated” rivalry, Beau and I were friends and I would usually meet him for a bite after we got off the air (unless I got a better offer from one of the hot young listeners. In other words, I met Beau every single night.)KFRC’s playlist was very rigid. At KYA I could pretty much play anything except “the Unicorn Song”. One night I had an idea and called Beau on his hotline. I had him tell me the songs he was going to pl
ay that hour and in what order. I then played the same songs at the exact same time. The phones at both stations went nuts. People were breathlessly telling me that KFRC was playing the same songs I was playing. I told them that was ABSURD! I hated those motherfuckers! Beau told his flabbergasted callers the same thing. Why would he play the same songs as those pathetic losers at KYA?We got a good chortle out of this and decided to repeat the stunt…every night from midnight – 1:00. The listeners were just going bat shit!! One called the Guinness Book of Records. Another sent the probability tables. Eventually, the KFRC program director found out about this, blew a gasket, and that was the end of that. It was great fun while it lasted.
And then the ratings came out. From midnight - 1:00 Beau Weaver creamed me. And I thought to myself, Jesus how bad am I when we played the exact same damn records???
It’s a lesson I learned in television, and when I was on MASH and we were up against THREE’S COMPANY, no matter how much they begged, I wouldn’t give them any of our sucking chest wound jokes. I like to think it’s the reason MASH lasted 11 seasons instead of six. Thank you, Beau Weaver.
Đăng ký:
Bài đăng (Atom)