Speeding up sitcoms

Back in the old days of Top 40 radio, some stations would adjust the turntables to play 45's at 47 or 48 RPM's.  The point here was to make the records seem brighter and faster.   And in comparison -- duller and slower on the competition.

Eventually this got out of hand.  The other station started playing their records at 48.  To keep up, the first station began playing them at 49, and all of sudden songs were going out of key, singers were sounding like the chipmunks, and the audience began to notice -- and dislike.

And now television is doing the same thing -- very slightly speeding up the playback of syndicated sitcoms -- not to make them brighter or funnier or enhance them in any way.   They're doing it to squeeze in more commercials.  TBS and TNT are two culprits.  By compressing the show they can add two whole minutes of spots to shows like SEINFELD.

Here's an article from SLATE along with a sample. 

Personally, I think this is insidious, and it will prove to be yet another nail in the coffin of broadcast networks.   When you can stream SEINFELD, when you can buy SEINFELD, when you can see SEINFELD on local channels, and you know the show is distorted on TBS, why would you watch? 

These networks are insulting you, and being patently dishonest.  Subliminal advertising is not allowed.  Why should this be okay?   Are there disclaimers warning viewers that the shows are compressed?    When radio was exposed for speeding up records it just sent listeners fleeing to FM and contributed to the downfall of the Top 40 format.

Networks like TBS are mortgaging their future and the future of broadcast television.  Is the mistrust of your brand and eventual audience exodus worth the revenue of those two extra minutes?    My guess is the people in charge would say yes.  They're not going to be in those jobs in five years so what do they give a shit?

So what if they speed up their demise -- by four minutes an hour? 

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A GREAT April's Fool joke

On tonight's James Corden show.  Katie Couric gets him good.  Check this out.

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My big announcement!

Happy to announce, that as of this date, April 1st, I will become the president of Ellen DeGeneres Productions. After meeting with Ellen and determining that we are absolutely on the same page creatively, we agreed to work together.

My first assignment is to retool ONE BIG HAPPY and make it more like MASH. It turns out Elisha Cuthbert’s character was in the Army Reserves and is called to active duty in Afghanistan. And coincidentally, Kelly Brook was in the British Reserves and is also deployed to the same base as Elisha. And Nick Zano tags along because… well, I haven’t worked that out yet. This is just my first day.  But look for this new direction beginning episode seven. 

I do have my first great joke. Elisha says, “This must be V-Day.” Nick says, “Victory Day?” And Elisha says, “No. Vagina-Day.” Am I the right guy for this job or WHAT?

Also, as part of my duties I will be filling in for Ellen hosting her show while she goes on vacation or continues her campaign to become a judge on THE VOICE.

Mark it down – April 1 – the day Ellen DeGeneres and I change comedy forever.

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More than you'd ever want to know

The Television Academy in association with the Writers Guild Foundation conduct a series of archive interviews with notable people in the TV industry.   My writing partner, David Isaacs, and I are honored to be included.  Last September we were both interviewed, and yesterday those interviews went on line.  There are three main parts -- solo interviews with each of us and one with the both of us.

Here's mine.  I hesitate to feature this because now I'll have nothing to write about myself.   But you're probably thinking "thank God."

And here are a couple of segments from the joint interview.  This is how we got our first assignment on MASH.

In this one we talk about our writing process.

And finally, since the last thing you want to do is spend an entire day watching us -- writing THE SIMPSONS.

Thanks again to the TV Academy and WGA Foundation.  Like I said, we're truly honored to be included with real television legends.  

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Making an idiot of myself on the radio... yet again

Back from the B100 radio reunion, held somewhere in Afghanistan I think.  It was at the Pala Resort and Casino -- a spectacular complex situated in the middle of nowhere.  B100 was a Top 40 station that took San Diego by storm in 1975 and stayed on top for close to 15 years.  I don't know what the format is today -- probably All Polka Music or All Obama Bashing.

As part of the festivities, which included a dinner, nostalgia, much drinking, a pool party (although no one was stupid enough to wear a bathing suit), and appearance from Shotgun Tom Kelly -- the local radio station graciously allowed us recreate B100 as it was.

Back in March of '75 the station signed on with "the B100 hours" -- a hundred insane hours of no commercials and the jocks all rotating shift.  Tapes of some of those broadcasts have been circulating among radio people for years.  I'm both proud and humiliated to be a part of it.

Anyway, in addition to replaying some of those tapes and the music from that era, I was invited to do a live show for an hour.  It's the first time I've done a disc jockey show in ten years and only the third DJ show I've done since 1982.  So don't expect anything great.  But what the hell?  You can't think any less of me than you already do.  Here it is (minus the songs so it's not an hour, it's like five minutes).

The weekend was great fun. As one of the jocks, Danny Wilde said, "The reason there's no more fun in radio is because we used it all up."   He's right.   Danny became a surgeon, by the way.  And I thought I did well.

What struck me most about the experience was how fond I am of all these people, even though I rarely see them anymore.  Yes, there's the bond we share in making fools of ourselves on the radio, but beyond that -- they're great folks and hold a special place in my heart.

So thanks to John Fox, Paul Palmer, Gary Kelley, Mark Gleason, and all my friends at B100 for organizing this soiree.   And a special thanks to Bobby Rich.   Not only was he the mastermind of the station, he was the best program director I ever worked for.  Not to mention the only program director who never fired me.  And you just heard my act.  He had cause every week.

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Maybe the most insane game show ever

This comes from the early 50s, the embryonic days of television, and a network (Dumont) that long since has disappeared. OKAY MOTHER starring Dennis James. He later went on to host a gazillion national game shows. But here he's on speed with a Red Bull chaser.  Thanks to friend of the blog, Mike McCann for finding this hilarious and appalling chestnut.

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My life from A-Z

One of those dumb personal quizzes circulating the net. I'm admitting things here even my shrink doesn't know. Of course, he doesn't care.

• A-Available/Single? Not according to my wife
• B-Best Friend? My partner. I'd be a lot poorer emotionally and financially without him.
• C-Cake or Pie? I'll have to go with Elvis and say cake.
• D-Drink Of Choice? Makers & ginger ale but only after 7 a.m.
• E-Essential Item You Use Everyday? My Pocket Fisherman.
• F-Favorite Color? Green. They asked me this for the Dewar's ad, too.
• G-Gummy Bears Or Worms? Whichever one is not banned from commercial flights.
• H-Hometown? Los Angeles
• I-Indulgence? Irene Jacob movies even though I can't understand them.• J-January Or February? February. Pitchers and catchers report.
• K-Kids & Their Names? Matt, Annie, and maybe some in Bakersfield.
• L-Life Is Incomplete Without? Laughter.
• M-Marriage Date? July 8. Same date that crime boss Soapy Smith was shot to death in 1898.
• N-Number Of Siblings? 1
• O-Oranges Or Apples? Apple, if we're talking pies or computers. Orange if we're talking women's prisons.
• P-Phobias/Fears? Mimes.
• Q-Favorite Quote? Enough is as good as a feast to an idiot.
• R-Reason to Smile? Linda Eder singing
• S-Season? Bob Gaudio
• T-Tag Three or Four People? I don't know four people.
• U-Unknown Fact About Me? I touched Jackie Kennedy's knee.
• V-Vegetable you don't like? Pat Robertson
• W-Worst Habit? Sweating the small stuff
• X-X-rays You've Had? Teeth, chest, and what kind of stupid question is that?
• Y-Your Favorite Food? Lobster...but must not still be alive.
• Z-Zodiac Sign? Aquarius man.

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