Should Pole Dancing be an Olympic sport?

In anticipation of the Olympics (or perhaps upstaging them), this evening in London the two-night World Pole Sport Championships begins. Organizers and aficionados of this most impressive athletic skill are SERIOUSLY trying to get Pole Dancing included as an Olympic event.

And I say it’s about time! Whenever I’ve been in a strip club (dragged there by friends of course), I watch these young ladies flying around these poles and think: why isn’t this in my living room? Recently I watched some of AMERICA’S GOT TALENT (dragged there by friends of course) and they had a group of people who did light shows and a (what’s the correct term?) little person who could belt out big notes off key. This is talent?

Meanwhile, these girls, in relative obscurity out by the airport, twist themselves in unimaginable pretzel positions… while on a pole… without the benefit of any clothing. I’d like to see Mary Lou Retton do that (or at least a girl who looks like Mary Lou Retton).

And pole dancing is not an activity exclusive to the United States. No sir.  Writhing naked on a pole while “In Those Jeans, Pony” blares transcends all boundaries and cultures.

In order to qualify as an Olympic sport you must form an international organization (in this case: the International Pole Sports Federation) that holds world championships (hence tonight’s titanic struggle). Next you draft a petition, which is currently being circulated. I’m waiting until I get a free lap dance before I sign.

And another big hurdle has been cleared. Olympic athletes can now be professionals. I could see the Pole Dance competitors collecting the dollar bills thrown onto the stage and all being disqualified, but that is not the case any longer.

There are not many Olympic sports that housewives can enter. So that’s another plus.

And I should add that Pole Dancing is not just for women. There are a lot of Magic Mikes who are interested as well. And a studio called Little Spinners is actually offering classes for kids as young as three. I’m not making this us. (There’s no joke I could possibly come up with for this that I wouldn’t hate myself for.)

So should Pole Dancing be an Olympic sport? Hey they have one event currently in the Winter Olympics where you ski and shoot a rifle. And of course there’s Ping Pong (excuse me – Table Tennis). Why not shaking your moneymaker for your nation?

Good luck tonight to all the competitors. May you win the gold medal or at least get promoted to the night shift.