Before I was a writer...

So when I got fired from KSEA a week before Christmas (see yesterday's post), that's when I decided to give up radio and pursue writing. 

Like all starving writers, when I was banging out specs trying to break in I had a crummy job. All I cared about were the hours. I had to be free at night to work with my partner, David Isaacs on our scripts. As long as I made enough money to pay the rent and get a burger at Tommy’s I was fine. Which is good because that’s all I made.

The job I landed was teaching broadcasting at the KIIS Broadcasting Workshop. It was actually a very easy job. I taught kids how to give the weather and back-announce Doobie Brothers tunes. (Proud to say one of my students made it all the way to Flagstaff where he did weekend all-nights for two weeks.)

The primary purpose of this school was to make money.  You don't need a school to teach you how to cue up records.  I think we had more salesman than instructors. And their big selling point was the physical school itself. Our facilities took up half the top floor of the Playboy building on Sunset Blvd. We were right in the heart of the strip, baby. Dino’s nightclub was just a few doors down. The Liberace museum was directly across the street. And our facilities were honestly very impressive. Decent enough broadcast studios with a spectacular view of the city on clear days. So for a week each year the panorama was breathtaking.

We shared the top floor with the photo studio Playboy used to shoot their nude models. Several times I rode the elevator with Miss November or one of the Girls from Big Ten. Playboy was very discreet about the studio. You’d get out of the elevator and there was a big splashy sign for our facility and just an unmarked door for theirs.

Every Tuesday at 11:00 our salesmen would bring around a group of ten or so prospective students to tour our digs. We were on alert to look busy and engaged. I arrived at work at 10:00. I stepped out of the elevator and there were all these huge props in the foyer.  Obviously these were for that day’s shoot. I stuck my head in their door and asked if these would still be here in an hour. Yes, they said. They weren’t scheduled to be used until after lunch.

Great!

So just before 11:00 I returned to the foyer and waited for our tour group. Sure enough, the elevator doors open, ten people step out and are met by five giant seven-foot dildos and three 7-foot vaginas that looked like that lips couch set on its side. Shrieks and gasps from the potential students. Talk about a great first impression! I had to duck into the stairwell to laugh for ten minutes.

I can only imagine what the poor salesman said to them just before the doors opened. “I think you’ll be impressed with how first-class and professional our school is. And wait’ll you see our equipment!”

Now that, ladies and gentleman, is a sight gag!

Tomorrow:  Another KIIS Broadcasting Workshop story.  You won't believe this one.