The dumbest article I've read in awhile

It appeared in the Huffington Post. The title was

Women's Names Ruined By Songs: 23 Names Changed By Music

The thrust of the piece was that due to songs that mentioned girls with these names, any girl with one of these names will be scorned and ridiculed. And furthermore, the article suggests that having the wrong name will scar you for life and make it much harder to achieve success and happiness.

So what are the names that will send poor women to their doom?

Amy, Stephanie, Caroline, Candy, Amanda, Kim, Roxanne, Sharona, Diana, Virginia, Jolene, Macarena, Delilah, Debra, Eleanore, Lola, Mandy, Molly, Konstantine, Stacy, Cecilia, Jamie, Iesha, Jenny, Shameka, Kesha, Tara, Shonda, Sabrina, Crystal, Deronda, Felicia, Tanesha, Sha'von, Yolanda, Monique, Christina, and Teresa.

If you’re counting, that’s 38 names not 23. But hey, they only missed by 15.

Yes, I can understand how it might be a liability if you’re a girl named Hitler, or Pussy, or Chlamydia. But Amy? Kim? Jenny? There must be 5,000,000 Jennys alone.

And when you think of Caroline, don’t you think of “Sweet Caroline”, the Neil Diamond song? Sure, Yankee fans hate it, but for most of us Caroline has a positive connotation. If you’re Amanda you’re really screwed because you can’t even use the nickname Mandy. And if you have a daughter you want to name Teresa after a dear departed loved one, you’re going to opt for something else because of a Petey Pablo song?

When writing scripts we’re always looking for names. We try to match the name with the character. If it’s a Jewish girl we’re not going to name her Mary Margaret. If it’s an Italian mother from the old country we’re not going to name her Suzette. And we need to match the name with the time period. Not many Chloes during the Roman Empire. Not many cheerleaders named Persephone in high school today.  Fortunately, there are hundreds of beautiful girl names -- many on that list. 

If parents are not naming children after relatives or themselves, a good portion name kids after celebrities they admire or characters in movies and TV. Wendy is a name made up by J.M. Barrie in his 1904 play PETER PAN. In the early ‘70s the single most popular name was Jennifer, based in part on the character Ali McGraw played in the smash movie (at the time) LOVE STORY (it's unwatchable today). The most popular girl’s name in 2012? Sophia. I’m sure many were influenced by Sofía Vergara from MODERN FAMILY even though she spells it differently. Sofia – spelled the way she does is number 19. Number 25 is Brooklyn. Now that has to be for model Brooklyn Decker. Who named their kid Brooklyn ten years ago? Horrifying is to think of number 49. It’s Khloe and that can be for only person I know. Imagine going through life named after a Kardashian?

Personally, I think the article is ridiculous. Amy Adams has done okay. Kim Cattrall's career didn’t suffer. I don’t think Caroline Kennedy’s life would be any better were she named Sofia. Lord knows Amanda Peet has muddled through somehow. So has Jamie Gertz. And Crystal Bernard.

So if you’re one of the 38 girls who has the 23 names that will ruin your life, I wouldn’t sweat it. And hey, you could always change your name. To those unfortunate babies named Khloe – you might want to consider something else when you get older, a name that won’t cause you ridicule and shame. How about Lewinsky?