True story: Was in a restaurant Friday night. By mistake we made reservations for four instead of two. The cute Millennium hostess showed us to our table and asked if two others were joining. Wiseass that I am, I said, “No. They died.” And she said, “Please don’t make this awkward for me.” Lena, I want a dollar if you use that.
Happy birthday to my lovely wife, Debby. Here's how wonderful you are -- today has been declared a national holiday. I promise much love and no singing.
In a recent study of which country has the most sex on flights, the winner was Great Britain. My first thought was DOWNTON ABBEY. Can't you just see Anna & Mr. Bates getting it on in the Hindenburg lavatory?
Mike Piazza is a dick. Roger Clemens now has my permission to drill him.
Attention bartenders: Ginger ale is not Sprite with a splash of Coke. If you don’t have ginger ale say so. Even drunks know the difference. If someone ordered whiskey do you think you could just substitute vodka and he'd never notice? Rule of thumb: The determining factor in what makes ginger ale is not color.
In another defensive battle, the Western NBA All-Stars beat the Eastern All-Stars 143-138. What a joke! Why not just give each team 120 points and let them play for five minutes?
Why am I not surprised by last week’s Carnival Cruise line mishap? They are floating trailer parks. Here’s the account of my one (and only) Carnival cruise.
UP ALL NIGHT was finally put out of its misery. Yanked in November after filming 11 single-camera episodes, it was being retooled for 5 additional multi-camera episodes. Then the creator left. Then the showrunner left. Then Christina Applegate quit. Then the order was cut to one. This has become the "Terri Schiavo of sitcoms." Mercifully, they've pulled the plug.
COMMUNITY’s ratings fell 42% -- a series all-time low -- in its second week. Maybe if they change the format to multi-camera….
Congratulations to all the winners of last night's WGA Awards... especially Chris Terrio for ARGO. Spielberg's probably saying, "Why didn't I get him to write LINCOLN instead of that Kushner hack?!"
If you ever get the chance, see Linda Eder in concert. Imagine Barbra Streisand but she doesn’t charge $2000 a ticket and she doesn’t take the attitude that she’s doing you a whopping big favor.
Spotted Saturday on Pico Blvd.:
Do you “hate-watch” any shows? Those are shows you can’t stand but are compelled to watch anyway. It’s not a healthy thing to do and I am proud to say I don’t do it… now that PARTNERS has been cancelled.
I will not be reviewing this year’s Grammys. But I will be filing my annual bitchy recap of the Oscars… next Monday morning. A lot of suspense this year. Who will win the Second-Best Director Oscar (since the REAL Best Director, Ben Affleck wasn’t nominated)?
There's a great program being offered by the Writers Guild Foundation. A course called MY ANATOMY OF A SCRIPT. Each Thursday night a different showrunner or filmmaker is interviewed at the WGA on 3rd and Fairfax. This week: Graham Yost of JUSTIFIED. In future weeks: Robert & Michele King (THE GOOD WIFE), Ben Lewin (writer/director of THE SESSIONS), and many more. Here's where you go for information. I'll see you there most Thursdays.
The Girl Scouts are getting smart. They're selling their cookies this year next to ATM's.
How many key Major League ballplayers are going to be injured playing in the silly World Baseball Classic?
Looking for immortality? Become my 10,000th follower on Twitter.
If Spielberg loses the Best Director Oscar to Ang Lee Steven's next picture will be THE SIEGRRIED & ROY STORY.
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