A blog tradition -- the Fall Movies Preview -- mini-summaries of the films that will be released this season. Disclaimer: Not that this has any particular relevance to my comments but I haven't seen any of these pictures. And probably won't see most of them.
BREAKING DAWN – The eighth chapter of the TWILIGHT trilogy. Very tough shoot for Kristen Stewart because the director is gay and she couldn’t sleep with him.
LOOPER – Joseph Gordon-Levitt must go into the future to kill Bruce Willis who is really him. Trying to save the world from DIE HARD 17.
TROUBLE WITH THE CURVE – Baseball movie with Clint Eastwood that no Democrat will now pay to see.
THE WORDS – Bradley Cooper takes credit for a discovered manuscript only to have the real author, Jeremy Irons suddenly surface. He discarded it originally because he thought, “Who’s going to buy a piece of shit like FIFTY SHADES OF GREY anyway?”
THE PERKS OF BEING A WALLFLOWER – You never have to dance the Macarena.
WON’T BACK DOWN – Maggie Gyllenhaal and Viola Davis take over an inner school in order to make a difference and get some Oscar nominations.
END OF WATCH – Brother Jake Gyllenhaal in a LAPD drama. Why they still make these after THE SHIELD I do not know
DREDD 3D – A reboot of the Judge Dredd comic book. If it didn’t work before with a hot Diane Lane, adding a third D isn’t going to save it.
HELLO, I MUST BE GOING – Sundance darling about a depressed 35 year-old woman who moves back in with her parents and has a steamy affair with a 19-year-old. Sounds like every ABC sitcom pilot they’ve ordered the last two years.
THE MASTER – Writer-Director Paul Thomas Anderson so there’s a chance it could be even more pretentious than THERE WILL BE BLOOD (if that’s even possible). But it could also be a masterpiece like BOOGIE NIGHTS so who knows? Only thing for certain is that he thinks it’s genius.
HOTEL TRANSYLVANIA – Animated Adam Sandler movie as he drives another stake through the heart of comedy.
ARBITRAGE – Richard Gere plays the 37th version of Bernie Madoff. What is different about his portrayal? I don’t know. It’s Richard Gere so he probably shows his whistle.
BACHELORETTE – Kristen Dunst, Isla Fisher, and Lizzy Caplan have a night of debauchery before a wedding. HANGOVER meets BRIDESMAIDS.
FINDING NEMO 3D – Why make cartoon characters more lifelike? Just hire real fish actors.
PARANORMAL ACTIVITY 4 – This time the couple is terrorized by the ghost of Sam Kinison.
LIBERAL ARTS – Elizabeth Olsen gets caught with an older man. For every pathetic middle-aged guy who lusted after her older twin older sisters, this is a fantasy come true.
BROOKLYN BROTHERS BEAT THE BEST – Stars Ryan O’Nan and and he plays the kazoo. What more do you need to know?
CLOUD ATLAS – Directed by the Wachowski brothers (or is it brother and sister?), it’s a sweeping tale starring Tom Hanks who looks like Ming the Magnificent in this picture. He wanted to dress like this for VOLUNTEERS but we said no.
Tomorrow: Part 2.
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