The 30th anniversary of the last MASH episode

Today marks the 30th anniversary of the finale of MASH. For many years it was the single highest rated television program in history. Not sure what finally eclipsed it – either a Super Bowl or the CELEBRITY FIT CLUB episode where Chaz Bono lost seven pounds. In any event, it was an event. Having been a writer on the show for four of its eleven years, here are some random thoughts and reflections from inside the Swamp: How important was MASH...

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Worst new tech invention EVER

In the techno-gadget mad crazy race to keep inventing the next big iThing, Google has come up with the worst idea yet, maybe ever – glasses with an interface right in your line of vision. In the top right corner of your right lens will be a box where you can face chat, get GPS instructions, weather and street information, internet access, and texting.  It's like having the Fox football score all the time!How many accidents and deaths on the...

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Seth MacFarlane won't host next year's Oscars

Seth MacFarlane today tweeted that he has no intention of hosting next year's Oscar ceremony.  This could be because the assignment is so enormous, the criticism was so enormous, or it could be a case of "You can't fire me!  I quit!"  In any event, it's on to next year.  Scroll down for some host suggestions. ...

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Final thoughts on the 2013 Oscars

Thanks to everyone for your comments on my Oscar review. A few thoughts, clarifications, rebuttals, concessions, and miscellaneous crap. First off, it’s great to hear from you even if you disagree with me (as long as you leave a name. There were a few anonymous comments that were just so stupid I assume the authors didn’t know their names.) Some were angry that I didn’t share their point-of-view. To them I say, it’s a friggin’ award show review....

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My 2013 Oscar review

The Oscars broke new wind last night. For the first time ever they were hosted by a man who left visible slime trails. The only awards show that Seth MacFarlane is qualified to emcee is the Adult Video Awards. Even then, they should shoot higher. This was that smarmy, unfunny, egotistical cousin at a wedding who stands up and tells the room the bride has herpes. But more on that later. The big story was that Steven Spielberg was not able...

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Writing the Academy Awards

I’ve never written for the Oscars. I would very much like to, just for the experience. But from what I understand it’s a horrible thankless job. I did have the chance once, but had to turn it down. My partner and I were showrunning ALMOST PERFECT in 1996. We got a call from Quincy Jones (who was producing the show that year). He had first asked Larry Gelbart who passed. Quincy asked if he could recommend someone else and bless him, Larry mentioned...

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How the Best Picture Oscar is determined

Getting you ready for the Oscars tomorrow night. As always, I will be reviewing them Monday morning. But for today…Ever wonder how the Motion Picture Academy determines “Best Picture?” For the last four years they’ve gone to what they call a Preferential Ballot. How does this work and how can Florida sabotage it? Voters rate the Best Picture nominees in order of preference. So it might be ARGO – 1, LINCOLN – 2, SILVER LINING PLAYBOOK – 3,...

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Missing actors and authors

Join in the fun! Leave your questions in the comments section. Thanks.Rob starts us off:Around 1977 there were a series of episodes where Loretta Swit appeared in only one scene and was absent from the rest of the show - even the OR scenes. Do you remember if she shot a bunch of random scenes in one day? In the mystery-novel show Nurse Bigelow had more screen time than Margaret!Wow, you're observant.  Or you had a huge crush on Loretta Swit. ...

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Comics

When I was six I could draw Popeye. The only time I was popular in my entire sixteen-year school career was in the first grade because I would draw Popeye on paper towels for everybody. Unfortunately, by high school that no longer worked. Still, cartooning became a big hobby. By the time I was ten I was drawing entire comic books. Forget that nobody read them. (It’s kinda like when I started this blog.) When I became a teenager I thought seriously...

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The pros and cons of gangbanging

How's that for a provocative title?    Actually, this is a post about TV comedy writing.  Sorry.  It stems from a Friday Question that's worth an entire post.  Dana Gabbard asks:Recently you noted that while in the past show staffs were small and freelance writers were a source of most scripts (at least first drafts) now most shows are room written. Can you describe why? What are the pluses and minuses of having a show...

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If I wrote for GIRLS

Allow me to channel my inner 25-year-old girl with tattoos and try my hand at GIRLS. INT. APARTMENT BATHROOM – NIGHTHannah (Lena Dunham) is completely naked, brushing her teeth. Marnie (Allison Williams) is taking a shower, fully dressed. Jessa (Jermina Kirke) is shaving her armpits. And Shoshanna (Zosia Mamet) is on the toilet. This is where the four friends seem to have all of their meaningful conversations. Oh, outside the door we hear...

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Some random thoughts, rants, and suggestions

Haven’t done this in awhile so what the heck?   True story: Was in a restaurant Friday night. By mistake we made reservations for four instead of two. The cute Millennium hostess showed us to our table and asked if two others were joining. Wiseass that I am, I said, “No. They died.” And she said, “Please don’t make this awkward for me.” Lena, I want a dollar if you use that. Happy birthday to my lovely wife, Debby. Here's how wonderful...

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A former U.S. President is today's guest blogger

Hello. In honor of President’s Weekend, one of Ken’s favorite holidays, he asked me to be a guest blogger. Of course I said yes. Not like I was busy. I haven’t done anything for 125 years. For those who don’t know me, I’m Chester A. Arthur. I was the 21st President of the United States. No, seriously. I was. Go to Wikipedia, look it up yourself.Don’t feel bad if you don’t remember. You’re not alone. I’m pretty much the forgotten President....

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Guys are not going to want to f**k her

 Of all the things I've posted over the last eight years, this has been my most requested.  And since we're right in the middle of pilot casting season, I thought I'd re-post it with sincere admiration to those gallant actors and actresses trying to beat the incredible odds.    My heart always goes out to actors during pilot season (which this is). Here’s how hard it is to become a cast member of a hit series:When a writer/producer...

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How we determined credit

Got some Friday Questions & Answers for ya.Chris starts us off: Does WGA have any rules about who goes first on a writing team credit? Peter Tolan and Denis Leary kept switching theirs on the "created by" credit on Rescue Me. Seemed it was a fair way to handle the issue.How did you guys decide?There are no guild rules as to who in a writing team gets top billing. The team has to fight it out themselves. We went in alphabetical order (but just...

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Happy Valentine's Day

Not my favorite holiday.  My big problem with Valentine’s Day is that it’s also my birthday. Try going out to a nice celebration dinner when every restaurant is packed, all the prices are jacked way up, and everyone is trying so hard to create a “romantic atmosphere” that when their date isn’t looking they’re popping Lexapros like Tic Tacs.Still, not to be a cynic I would like to offer an explanation for what love really is. It comes from...

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Fox announces "ShortComs"

Fox has announced an experimental series for the summer called “Shortcoms.” These will be hour shows split into four segments. Each segment will be a multi-camera sitcom starring and written by a stand-up comic. Fox claims they will give the comics great freedom. First off, I applaud any attempt to do comedy, especially an innovative one. But I have some concerns:Last year Fox picked up no multi-camera shows. The distinct impression was...

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Terrestrial Radio sucks

WARNING: ONE OF MY RANTSTerrestrial Radio is the guy in an iron lung who’s smoking. Except the guy is smart enough to know he’s dying.For almost a hundred years Terrestrial Radio has ruled the airwaves. And as readers of this blog know, my first love (besides Natalie Wood) is radio. That’s why it really pains me to not only see it heading towards its own demise but sprinting. Now we have satellite radio (such as it is), internet radio, music services...

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